Marrakech, Morocco: My Memoirs

On Wednesday the 17th of November 2010, me, Rob and Joe flew to Marrakesh, donning our best moustaches for 'Movember'. Here are my memoirs.

- Landing and it not being freezing cold like in England.

- Successfully arriving in the Medina, then realising Rob left his bag at the airport.

- Having no little change at the start, and conveniently, neither did any shop keepers.

- Being lead through the dark winding alleys of the Souks to our hostel, past scary looking people who I thought were going to rob us.

- Getting into our amazing hostel room. Felt very, very Moroccan. It had no lock so we used a padlock.

- Wandering off into Marrakesh to get food. Being authentic and ordering Spaghetti Bolognese, and then deciding to have another main course of Pizza!

- Trying to find a bar to drink in. Going into a belly dancing place, where Joe bought a round of 3 beers that cost around £16.

- Spending the next day wandering around the city, looking at the tombs and destroyed castley-thing. Not knowing what can and can't be bartered.

- Being amazed at how much it is like Aladdin, with people hiding in dark alleys whispering "hashhheeesshhh".

- Jumping in the ice-cold swimming pool. I think it is possibly the coldest thing I've ever been in.

- Trying something more risky on the menu, and it turning out to be an amazing Lamb Tangine.

- Having a 'couple of drinks' on the night. Ending up playing my 'Two Towers' drinking game, and getting stupidly drunk.

- Finding myself very, very drunk, sitting in a market eating little sausages, with Rob speaking fluent Spanish, with no recollection of getting there and thinking to myself "I have to get out of here to be sick".

- Running back to the hostel, being sick, and venturing out to find my friends, but taking many, many wrong turns. "One wrong turn in the Souks and you'll be lost forever".

- Using a photo I took earlier of the view from a building to try and drunkenly find the bar my friends might have gone to. Good idea, badly executed.

- Drunkenly "Excusey-moi... ou est la 'Main Square'?".... "Go down that alley, take a right." ... "Merci, si vous plait".

- Feeling hung over, out of it, and entirely ruined and asleep on Friday. Wandering around the Souks to see if I could figure out the layout. I couldn't. But I did manage to just about stomach and egg, potato and oil sandwich.

- Rob, the guy loves a pudding.

- Going on a coach trip. Sitting in front of two very annoying Americans, but also two very nice ones.

- Walking along a make-shift bridge over a river, really high up.

- Climbing up a mountain to find a waterfall near the top... then paying a guy 5 Dinah to use his ladder to climb up further. Amazing views.

- Captain Vestman riding a camel. My camel kept making noises and I was scared... but the American guy we met had to get on a really crazy one. As I was getting off mine after it went mental, jumped up and tried throwing me off, but like a cowboy I held on.

- Being thrown out of a shop while negotiating costs, with Joe having his arm slapped in the process.

- Buying authentic Moroccan Muslim clothes, or 'Jedi outfits' and wearing them when we went out around the markets.

- "Ey, Italiano? Espanol? Ey! Moustache!"

- Enquiring about the price of a wooden snake. Deciding I actually had no use for a wooden snake, but being locked in a bartering match for one, with me saying "I don't want one. No. No price." and the man then giving me one for free and walking off.

- Going for a Hamam body scrub. Crawling up the walls as she started scrubbing my feet, then feeling like I was going to die from the heat when I was left for ages.

- Everyone asking if we needed help with directions. Most of them were probably nice, but it's hard to trust them after a child said "Fuck your mother" when he asked us for money (we didn't actually ask him for any directions, he just pointed).

- Snake charmers putting snakes on me and Rob.

- Moroccan sales tactics... "You give me good price. This not same same. This hand made, no machine. Moroccan man spent two days carving this. You give me final price. Not possible. You give me final, final price. I come down, you give little bit more. Just a little bit more. No? Fine, you leave. Wait wait.. give me money".

- "You give stupid price. You are children. You little children, treat me like child. You go play in the square with the snakes. It better for you. It better for me!".

- Being called a 'Berber' after some harsh bartering.

All in all, it was a very nice country. Surprisingly clean (didn't see one rat or cockroach), but with an annoying vibe where everybody seems out to try and make money off you.