Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Kaunas, Lithuania: My Memoirs

On the 13th - 17th October, me, Mike, Liam and Sensible Ash went to Lithuania. Here are my memoirs.

- Arriving in Kaunas airport. Going to buy a bag of crisps and instead of finding 'salt and vinegar', or 'cheese and onion', there was 'pickled cucumber' and 'creamy mushroom'. Creamy mushroom flavour was epic.

- Getting on the minibus to Klaipėda, ready for a two hour journey. Waiting nearly two hours before he felt like setting off.

- Arriving in Klaipėda. A nice Lithuanian guy noticing us looking confused, as we had literally no idea where to go and asking if we needed help. Us turning down the help in favour of going into the shopping centre to get a 'Hesburger'. Worth it.

- Looking around Klaipėda confused as to where to go. Getting phone out to use GPS, which cost too much in Internet. Still worth it though.

- Everybody staring at us, noticeably Ash, and having no idea why.

- Arriving in our apartment/hotel. It was really, really nice with a flat screen TV and Cartoon Network.

- Playing Big Two, with the main loser having to have two shots, and the other two losers having one shot.

- Getting really, really drunk off shots, while Mike, after non-stop winning, sat fairly sober.

- Going for a drunken walk. Talking to some really drunk Lithuanians, who said they are 'skin heads', and had a Nazi Germany thing on their coat. The one, really drunk guy hated us but the girl was nice. Mike being a cigarette whore.

- Ash riding the flower-boat thing. Us walking past a strip club and deciding we will go in the next night. We didn't.

- Telling them that Liam was Jewish, and him trying to convince them he wasn't... but they said he had a 'Jew nose'.

- Waking up feeling a bit rough and everyone feeling tired.

- Missioning to the Curonion Spit. Walking to the end of the dock and realising we were on the wrong side. Going to the right side, in the cold and rain, waiting for a boat and it never coming.

- Going for a meal to warm up. Them not understanding us when we said 'table for four', and being confused that we didn't just walk in and sit down. The restaurant was blatantly owned by some kind of Mafia thing. It had a casino, betting shop, and a Maserati parked outside.

- The scary sculpture thing.

- Going back to the room and having a bath. A bit gay, but I haven't slept in the bath for ages.

- Everyone being awake later, then not being able to sleep so playing nearly 5 hours of Big Two. No drinking this time. Other than Mike, who sneaked in 6 cans.

- Waiting for the bus to go to Kaunas. 10 mins before it arrived we got a call from the hotel saying they found Liam's passport.

- Running back to the hotel, having a mini asthma attack, running back to the bus that was being stopped by Mike and Ash, and it leaving just as we got on.

- The crazy bus stop in the middle of nowhere that everyone got off to get another bus.

- The amazing looking Lithuanian girls.

- Getting to the second apartment. It really smelled. Going out to the Akropolis shopping centre and sitting with beer watching Ice Hockey on the rink next to us.

- Going for a nice walk the next day. Taking photos.

- Getting a 'Hesburger' that had a beef on top, instead of the bun, chicken in the middle, and beef on the bottom. Then opening it to find it it was just effing rye bread, that looked like beef. The exact opposite of what I wanted.

- Going ice skating in Akropolis. Captain Vestman making an appearance.

- Ash being perhaps the worst ice skater I have ever seen.

- Setting the camera on time for 10 seconds so we could all stand and have a picture. Just as it went off a girl went past, got dazzled by the flash and smacked my camera off the side. Perfect timing.

- Going back to the room. Playing more Big Two, and being determined to drink all of the alcohol we had left over.

- Getting really, really drunk and going for a meal. The best steak I have ever had. Except for some reason me and Liam chose garlic steak. Big mistake.

- Being told by two Lithuanian girls that if we want 'quiet drink' go to the pub down the road, but if we want 'fuck' go to Bar Bar'a.

- Going to Bar Bar'a (... not for 'fuck').

- Barbra Streisand... ooooeeeooo oooo ooeeoeoo.

- Loving Bar Bar'a. Speaking to a guy from England, then finding out hes from Birmingham, then finding out he lives 5 mins walk from me.

- Mike getting cock-blocked by Cock-Block.

- Captain Vestman making his second club appearance.

- Ash talking to a guy outside the club who told him he looks just like a famous Lithuanian basketball player,

- Getting back to the room, and Liam realising he left his passport in the club.

- Going back to the club, but on the way speaking to some Lithuanians who were really helpful, came to translate, and left their number in case it was found. Then insisted on buying us food .

- Queueing for another Hesburger. Liam getting a text to say his passport is in his bag. Two Scottish guys coming over to speak to us.

- Hesburger closing, and the Lithuanians inviting us all to their place. Would have gone but I hadn't brought my wallet out. And we had to leave for the flight at 9:30am, and it was already 6am.

All in all... it was a pretty epic time!!!


  1. Wow, it sounds like a party! If I could keep up with your drinking, I would be all about tagging along.
    (If only to learn how to play big two)


  3. Also, you missed out your double pattie burger.

  4. made me remember of my trip to Lithuania :)

  5. Going back to the room and having a bath. A bit gay, but I haven't slept in the bath for ages.
    is it really gay? come on, using gay as a derogatory word, one would hope you would know better.

  6. It is widely accepted that "gay" isn't used to mean homosexual in that sense. Although it's not exactly court cases that decide it, there are many incidents where people have said it, such as tv hosts. For example, read the BBCs response when Chris Moyles called something gay.

    You shouldn't let yourself get offended by such trivial things.

  7. Nice! I liked the creepy sculpture.. where exactly is it?

    1. It was in Klaipėda, really close to where you can get the boat across to the Curonian Spit.