Brazil, Buzuis & Sao Paulo: My Memoirs, Part III

In March I went to Brazil. After an amazing time in the Amazon, we spent a few days in Buzious, before moving on to Rio De Janerio. We then stayed in Sao Paulo for a couple of nights ready for our flight home. I have combined the Buzious and Sao Paulo as they were short stays. Here are my memoirs.


Buzious

- Wandering around Buzious, a beautiful 'beach paradise' town, and not being able to pronounce it the entire holiday.

- Waking up early to go and kayak in the Buzious sea.

- Walking from beach to beach by climbing along the rocks. Going for the one epic walk around the side, including a 4ft jump (up about 1ft) with a huge drop into rocks and rough sea. Then jumping on a cactus and getting needles deep in my foot.

- Trying to climb up the hill but the grass got higher than my head and I had to eventually turn around in fear of being bitten by a snake.

- Meeting two Israli guys and two Argentinian girls, and having a good night drinking in Buzious with them and talking to the Israli guy for a while about his opinion of Palestinians.

- Completing 80 on my 100 things to do list, build a big card tower.

- Nobody in the entire country realising that I didn't speak Portugese, so would instead just talk louder and faster. Now I know how it feels.

Sao Paulo


- Arriving in Sao Paulo, and after struggling with the language for nearly two weeks without any help, two people jumped to our aid to direct us around the unground, helping with tickets and stuff. Nice people.

- Thinking the one guy was possibly gay, but then he completely out of place put in that he has a girlfriend. I realised that he must think that WE were the gay ones, so I quickly, out of place, said that I had one too.

- Sao Paulo being ridiculously built up. Even the outskirts that we were in had huge towers every block.

- Going to an 'English Pub' (complete with a red phone box entrance) in Sao Paulo, that actually closed at 7. They have no idea about English Pubs.

- Having an Argentinian steak, and trying to explain how I wanted it cooked, using my fingers. It came out and was perfect, and a huge slab of meat.

Brazil, Rio De Janeiro: My Memoirs, Part II

In March I went to Brazil. After going to the Amazon we set off to Buzious for a couple of days before going to Rio De Janeiro, and onwards to Sao Paulo. Here are my memoirs.


- Getting to the train station and trying to find a bus to Copacabana. All the Brazilian people kept saying things in Portuguese and I couldn't understand where to go. A really nice guy selling lollipops, wearing a hat with a propeller on it helped me find which bus I needed.

- Finding the really, really cheap food place on arrival, and finding out it was actually nice. Especially the crazy black beans.

- Having a wander around Copacabana. Walking along the beach, then looking between two tall hotels and seeing the Christ The Redeemer statue towering above the city, between the clouds. Walking a bit further along and seeing some favellas between two hotels. Such amazing sights.

- Jogging along Copacabana beach to complete 7 on my 100 things to do list.

- Walking along the two main beaches hoping to get a better photo of the Favellas, which just seemed to be becoming a worse and worse photo.

- Going out with Gemma, Bruno and Jas, Irish bar. Taking the tube on the way, but everybody going on the wrong escalator, and trying to run back up to the top. After getting to the top I watched everyone looking like they were sprinting on the spot. Gemma got ahead of the crowd, but fell just before the top, and without giving up hope, tried crawling up the steps... then eventually giving up.

- Getting tickets, or 'commanders' in the bars, and the staff marking off what drink you've had, so you pay at the end. I was terrified of losing it.

- The Irish bar. Bruno turning crazy for a few moments and telling everyone we were going to get killed by the Brazilians. Andy buying me a shot, before I knew what was happening the bar staff were ringing a bell until I drank it. Talking to a guy in the toilets using my best Portuguese, as he nodded... only to later find out he was from New York and had no idea what I was doing.

- Doing capoiera with Bruno in the streets. That guy could move.

- Searching the streets at 4:30am looking for a burger.

- Going to see Christ the Redeemer. Getting there at 2pm, but having tickets for 5:30pm. Having a beautiful view of Rio lit up at night, then suddenly being hit by tiredness and being unable to do anything.

- Swimming in the sea and getting owned by every wave. Such big, strong waves!

- Going to the really good Samba club in Lapa. Being amazed at how many people are partying in the streets. Watching the musicians play, then having a bit of a dance.

Marrakech, Morocco: My Memoirs

On Wednesday the 17th of November 2010, me, Rob and Joe flew to Marrakesh, donning our best moustaches for 'Movember'. Here are my memoirs.

- Landing and it not being freezing cold like in England.

- Successfully arriving in the Medina, then realising Rob left his bag at the airport.

- Having no little change at the start, and conveniently, neither did any shop keepers.

- Being lead through the dark winding alleys of the Souks to our hostel, past scary looking people who I thought were going to rob us.

- Getting into our amazing hostel room. Felt very, very Moroccan. It had no lock so we used a padlock.

- Wandering off into Marrakesh to get food. Being authentic and ordering Spaghetti Bolognese, and then deciding to have another main course of Pizza!

- Trying to find a bar to drink in. Going into a belly dancing place, where Joe bought a round of 3 beers that cost around £16.

- Spending the next day wandering around the city, looking at the tombs and destroyed castley-thing. Not knowing what can and can't be bartered.

- Being amazed at how much it is like Aladdin, with people hiding in dark alleys whispering "hashhheeesshhh".

- Jumping in the ice-cold swimming pool. I think it is possibly the coldest thing I've ever been in.

- Trying something more risky on the menu, and it turning out to be an amazing Lamb Tangine.

- Having a 'couple of drinks' on the night. Ending up playing my 'Two Towers' drinking game, and getting stupidly drunk.

- Finding myself very, very drunk, sitting in a market eating little sausages, with Rob speaking fluent Spanish, with no recollection of getting there and thinking to myself "I have to get out of here to be sick".

- Running back to the hostel, being sick, and venturing out to find my friends, but taking many, many wrong turns. "One wrong turn in the Souks and you'll be lost forever".

- Using a photo I took earlier of the view from a building to try and drunkenly find the bar my friends might have gone to. Good idea, badly executed.

- Drunkenly "Excusey-moi... ou est la 'Main Square'?".... "Go down that alley, take a right." ... "Merci, si vous plait".

- Feeling hung over, out of it, and entirely ruined and asleep on Friday. Wandering around the Souks to see if I could figure out the layout. I couldn't. But I did manage to just about stomach and egg, potato and oil sandwich.

- Rob, the guy loves a pudding.

- Going on a coach trip. Sitting in front of two very annoying Americans, but also two very nice ones.

- Walking along a make-shift bridge over a river, really high up.

- Climbing up a mountain to find a waterfall near the top... then paying a guy 5 Dinah to use his ladder to climb up further. Amazing views.

- Captain Vestman riding a camel. My camel kept making noises and I was scared... but the American guy we met had to get on a really crazy one. As I was getting off mine after it went mental, jumped up and tried throwing me off, but like a cowboy I held on.

- Being thrown out of a shop while negotiating costs, with Joe having his arm slapped in the process.

- Buying authentic Moroccan Muslim clothes, or 'Jedi outfits' and wearing them when we went out around the markets.

- "Ey, Italiano? Espanol? Ey! Moustache!"

- Enquiring about the price of a wooden snake. Deciding I actually had no use for a wooden snake, but being locked in a bartering match for one, with me saying "I don't want one. No. No price." and the man then giving me one for free and walking off.

- Going for a Hamam body scrub. Crawling up the walls as she started scrubbing my feet, then feeling like I was going to die from the heat when I was left for ages.

- Everyone asking if we needed help with directions. Most of them were probably nice, but it's hard to trust them after a child said "Fuck your mother" when he asked us for money (we didn't actually ask him for any directions, he just pointed).

- Snake charmers putting snakes on me and Rob.

- Moroccan sales tactics... "You give me good price. This not same same. This hand made, no machine. Moroccan man spent two days carving this. You give me final price. Not possible. You give me final, final price. I come down, you give little bit more. Just a little bit more. No? Fine, you leave. Wait wait.. give me money".

- "You give stupid price. You are children. You little children, treat me like child. You go play in the square with the snakes. It better for you. It better for me!".

- Being called a 'Berber' after some harsh bartering.

All in all, it was a very nice country. Surprisingly clean (didn't see one rat or cockroach), but with an annoying vibe where everybody seems out to try and make money off you.

Kaunas, Lithuania: My Memoirs

On the 13th - 17th October, me, Mike, Liam and Sensible Ash went to Lithuania. Here are my memoirs.

- Arriving in Kaunas airport. Going to buy a bag of crisps and instead of finding 'salt and vinegar', or 'cheese and onion', there was 'pickled cucumber' and 'creamy mushroom'. Creamy mushroom flavour was epic.


- Getting on the minibus to Klaipėda, ready for a two hour journey. Waiting nearly two hours before he felt like setting off.

- Arriving in Klaipėda. A nice Lithuanian guy noticing us looking confused, as we had literally no idea where to go and asking if we needed help. Us turning down the help in favour of going into the shopping centre to get a 'Hesburger'. Worth it.


- Looking around Klaipėda confused as to where to go. Getting phone out to use GPS, which cost too much in Internet. Still worth it though.

- Everybody staring at us, noticeably Ash, and having no idea why.

- Arriving in our apartment/hotel. It was really, really nice with a flat screen TV and Cartoon Network.

- Playing Big Two, with the main loser having to have two shots, and the other two losers having one shot.

- Getting really, really drunk off shots, while Mike, after non-stop winning, sat fairly sober.

- Going for a drunken walk. Talking to some really drunk Lithuanians, who said they are 'skin heads', and had a Nazi Germany thing on their coat. The one, really drunk guy hated us but the girl was nice. Mike being a cigarette whore.

- Ash riding the flower-boat thing. Us walking past a strip club and deciding we will go in the next night. We didn't.

- Telling them that Liam was Jewish, and him trying to convince them he wasn't... but they said he had a 'Jew nose'.

- Waking up feeling a bit rough and everyone feeling tired.

- Missioning to the Curonion Spit. Walking to the end of the dock and realising we were on the wrong side. Going to the right side, in the cold and rain, waiting for a boat and it never coming.


- Going for a meal to warm up. Them not understanding us when we said 'table for four', and being confused that we didn't just walk in and sit down. The restaurant was blatantly owned by some kind of Mafia thing. It had a casino, betting shop, and a Maserati parked outside.

- The scary sculpture thing.


- Going back to the room and having a bath. A bit gay, but I haven't slept in the bath for ages.

- Everyone being awake later, then not being able to sleep so playing nearly 5 hours of Big Two. No drinking this time. Other than Mike, who sneaked in 6 cans.

- Waiting for the bus to go to Kaunas. 10 mins before it arrived we got a call from the hotel saying they found Liam's passport.

- Running back to the hotel, having a mini asthma attack, running back to the bus that was being stopped by Mike and Ash, and it leaving just as we got on.

- The crazy bus stop in the middle of nowhere that everyone got off to get another bus.

- The amazing looking Lithuanian girls.

- Getting to the second apartment. It really smelled. Going out to the Akropolis shopping centre and sitting with beer watching Ice Hockey on the rink next to us.

- Going for a nice walk the next day. Taking photos.


- Getting a 'Hesburger' that had a beef on top, instead of the bun, chicken in the middle, and beef on the bottom. Then opening it to find it it was just effing rye bread, that looked like beef. The exact opposite of what I wanted.

- Going ice skating in Akropolis. Captain Vestman making an appearance.




- Ash being perhaps the worst ice skater I have ever seen.

- Setting the camera on time for 10 seconds so we could all stand and have a picture. Just as it went off a girl went past, got dazzled by the flash and smacked my camera off the side. Perfect timing.

- Going back to the room. Playing more Big Two, and being determined to drink all of the alcohol we had left over.


- Getting really, really drunk and going for a meal. The best steak I have ever had. Except for some reason me and Liam chose garlic steak. Big mistake.

- Being told by two Lithuanian girls that if we want 'quiet drink' go to the pub down the road, but if we want 'fuck' go to Bar Bar'a.

- Going to Bar Bar'a (... not for 'fuck').


- Barbra Streisand... ooooeeeooo oooo ooeeoeoo.

- Loving Bar Bar'a. Speaking to a guy from England, then finding out hes from Birmingham, then finding out he lives 5 mins walk from me.


- Mike getting cock-blocked by Cock-Block.

- Captain Vestman making his second club appearance.


- Ash talking to a guy outside the club who told him he looks just like a famous Lithuanian basketball player,


- Getting back to the room, and Liam realising he left his passport in the club.

- Going back to the club, but on the way speaking to some Lithuanians who were really helpful, came to translate, and left their number in case it was found. Then insisted on buying us food .

- Queueing for another Hesburger. Liam getting a text to say his passport is in his bag. Two Scottish guys coming over to speak to us.


- Hesburger closing, and the Lithuanians inviting us all to their place. Would have gone but I hadn't brought my wallet out. And we had to leave for the flight at 9:30am, and it was already 6am.

All in all... it was a pretty epic time!!!

Dusseldorf, Germany: My Memoirs

On the 23rd - 25th September 2009, Me, Ash and Craig ventured out to Dusseldorf in Germany. I hadn't been to Germany before, and knew very little of the language (other than 'vas ist das?'). I didn't have a blog back then, but after recently reminiscing with Ash, we wrote up our memoirs.

- Starting the holiday off well, me and Craig having Beers in the airport, and Sensible Ash having a gentlemans coffee. Then meeting a Canadian girl, Jolene Lust, on the coach, and finding out that we are staying in the same hostel.


- Getting to the hostel, walking up loads of flights of stairs, and then realising it was on the ground floor. Then getting into the dorm at 10pm, and realsing everyone was asleep with the lights off. Losers.

- Walking into the nearest small bar and having a 'music goes out' moment as we walked in and loads of Turkish guys starred at us. Then fearing for my life as we sat down, and loads of Turkish guys were still staring at us.

- Making friends with the barmaid (dispite being completley unable to verbally communicate), who then gave us free shots and drank with us... and crisps that we couldn't figure out the flavour of (I think they were peanut...).

- Chatting to our new Canadian friend who was called Jolene Lust...singing the song ‘Jolene’...telling her her name sounded like a porn star name... and her telling us when she thinks of England she thinks of Coronation Street...and that we all have good teeth contrary to the English stereotype.

- Craig dissapearing for ages, in the bar toilet being sick.

- Thinking how nice the scary Turkish guys were, when they said bye in English as we left.

- Talking to Benjamin, an American who was travelling around Europe. Then talking to the Russian guy for ages. I tested out my small knowledge of the Russian language. He showed me how they program is Russia, and remote desktopped to his computer to see if I could help him.

- Spending the day wandering around the city. Going up the Rhine tower, taking funny photographs, and looking at the really expensive shops and massive Games Workshop.

- Not being able to find our bearings at all. Damn you bendy Dusseldorf roads that all look the same.



- Starting off with early-bird cocktails, choosing each others, and then drinking typical German tankards of beer... to get the night started.

- Getting refused into a club that I had only left a few hours before, because my hair. The bastard.

- Going to a club, whipping out the camera, much to the enjoyment of all the German people.



- Talking to two German guys a lot and dancing with them.

- Captain Vestman making a nightclub appearance.



- Looking back at the pictures in the morning and realising the two German guys, now nicknamed Hank and Troy, were obviously gay.

- Getting told off by a guy in the hostel for talking. I had to point out that he is in a hostel, not a hotel.

- Setting out on a mission to find the second hostel, in a more subburbian side of Dusseldorf.


- Going to a Hooters bar, and the waistress getting sexually assaulted by one of her customers....not us!

- Doing karaoke (or just shouting loudly) in an Irish Bar, and getting into a bit of an argument with a small drunk Irish guy, who had the nerve to start mocking Birmingham.


- Going to the sheisha bar, getting an alcohol one and having no idea what to do... when I eventually asked, the barmaid said "awhh, aren't you sweet". Patronising :(.


- Finally finding a German hotdog after 3 days of looking (I thought the place would be littered with them!!).


- Throwing up all night after eating a bad German hotdog :(.

- Me and Craig getting slapped by the maid for Ash not making his bed, as he sat outside reading Batman graphic novels.

- Getting hopelessly lost trying to find our way back to where we had to catch our coach to the airport. Trying to ask German people for directions but nobody being able to understand me.

- Meeting the legend Tim Hamer at the bus stop in Germany, learning that we are both programmers, and finding out he lives just round the corner from me!