Showing posts with label Captain Vestman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Captain Vestman. Show all posts

Sunday, 31 March 2013

Belgium, Bruges: My Memoirs

On the third of March, me, Brandi, Liam, Laura, Leigh, and Neil flew to Belgium. Here are my memoirs.

- The 3 Scouse girls on the plane with curlers in their hair and drawn on eyebrows (...a 'fashion' thing). I hoped people in Beligum wouldn't judge England on that.

- Trying to find the big metal thing (later learned the name was the Atomium), but it was raining and horrible, so we gave up and had waffles and Haagendazs crème brulee ice cream.


- Being really, really impressed by how beautiful Bruges looked. Also, the apartment we stayed in is probably the nicest we've had on one of these breaks.

- Spending £67 on alcohol at a corner shop, which barely lasted the night, then trekking far to pick up a Chinese (accidental detour included).


- Got really drunk playing ring of fire. Leigh, for the first time in his life, managed to rhyme something in the rhyme round, even though it was by accident.. "It was very hot...", "it was very what?".


- Egg cup shots (couldn't find the glasses). Leigh, getting the short straw, having to do a shot off the plate.



- Not remembering much about the night, but little flashes. Left the appartment around 3, tried to go to a club though they were all closed, got talking to two guys from Bruges. Went back to their place, sat on the bed, stroking a cat, smoking weed and listening to Belgium rap.


- Everybody hanging hard the next day. I made a full 'English' breakfast at 5pm. It was disgusting. The bacon was weird, the sausage was weird, the beans were weird, and the only thing that shouldn't go wrong was the eggs, but they were weird too. Turns out it was because we used "Raison sugar milk", which was tragic.

- Woke up earlier ghdnext day so we could see the city. Got tandem bikes... Leigh and Neil were terrible on them so swapped.


- Tried to cycle to Damme, which looked like a nice village. Ended going in the very opposite direction. I went into a strange 'local' pub to ask if they could point where we are on the map. The first two men I went over to stared at me like I just pissed in their pint. Eventually two of the other people in the small pub got talking to me and helped me. Turned out we were way off the map to the south. No idea how it went so wrong.


- Cycled in the right direction. The wind was against us. It rained, snowed, and everybody wanted to kill themselves. Eventually, when we couldn't see the village in the distance, we gave up.


- I took the coldest "Vestman picture" so far. Colder than at the top of the mountain in Whistler.


- Took the bikes back as the snow came down more. Went straight into a restaurant and had a nice traditional Belgium meal. Some kind of meat with ale sauce. And tomato soup. The tomato soup was awesome.


- Spent more money on chocolate, waffles and hot chocolate than alcohol all weekend.


- Had a Bicky Burger!! I needed to have one after keep seeing Bicky Crisps! BICKY CRISP!


- Wandered around the city fairly late to get pictures, since we hadn't properly seen places. It was hard not to fall in all the snow.



The rest of the story isn't suitable for bullet form... and from now on will commence in paragraphs.

On the Tuesday morning we woke up early to get to the station in time for the 5:55am train to Brussels. Surprisingly we arrived there on time, after dragging ourselves through the snow. Our first problem (key word being first, not only) was that the machine didn't accept Liam's bank card, and the desks weren't open until 6am. I eventually got someone to help us, but he had computer problems, and it was starting to look like we weren't going to be able to get on the train. We managed to just minutes before it left.

Annoyingly all the trains were running slow and late because of the snow. We were getting slightly nervous as time went on. We arrived at Charleroi train station about an hour before the flight leaves, which we thought could be enough time... until we found out the station was 10km from the airport... and because of the snow there were no buses or shuttles running.

We walked around trying to figure out how to get there. We found a taxi rink that had a load of people waiting, without any sign of a taxi. We walked to hotels to see if they could call one to there, but no luck.

Eventually we stood at the taxi rink, but as it came to be 20 mins before the flight we though we needed to take action. What happened then was the least British thing I have done. We left the queue, and proceeded to walk past everybody. My thoughts were that we could walk down the road, around the corner and get a taxi... but not 10 metres from the front of the queue a taxi pulled up and rolled his window down.

I asked him if we could go to the airport, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a hoard of people come running over. We tried to get in, but forgetting people driving on the other side of the road, we were on the wrong side of the doors. Before we could get around people had started trying to pile in. I had almost given up hope... until the taxi driver got out, and started shouting telling people to get out and that he is taking us. I felt relieved, but very guilty as we walked through people, receiving death-stares.

We arrived at the airport 5 minutes before the plane was due to take off. We rushed through the gate, hoping there would still be a chance to get on. At this point it still hadn't clicked how the snow had pretty much taken the country to a standstill. We saw two people that were on our flight here waiting, so I went over and asked if they were flying back to Manchester. He told me that he is, but that he was supposed to be on yesterdays flight, and that it looks like today's flight is also cancelled.

This lead to the worst 24 hours I've had in Belgium, ever.


Ryanair announced the flight was cancelled, without any further details. We stood in a queue to talk to the airport customer services, but the queue was the length of the whole airport. In the hours that we waited one airport woman came over and gave us a print out, and said that our best bet is to go back to our house, fill in the form and post it to Ryanair to try and get another flight. Post. Who the hell would post something, and how long would that take!? We stayed in the queue.

When finally getting to the end (no thanks to some people, who thought that they could demand that a flight would leave later that evening for them), and was told that we can try and book in for the next day, and that we would need to find a hotel, and hopefully Ryanair would give us the money back.

Most hotels were taken by this point, apart from a really expensive, really terrible hotel that I can only imagine is where businessmen go to commit suicide.

We were cold, demoralised, and spent a load of money on burgers just so we could sit somewhere that could fit us all, and had internet. The hotel thought they could charge something like 12 euros for an hour of internet. On the evening we went for Italian food, which was nice, until we passed a man without socks, covered in orange peel, and injecting heroin into his fingers. That pretty much sums up Charleroi.

On Wednesday we woke up early to go back to the airport. I didn't expect we would be leaving the country that day, as the weather was no different to the day before. After a bit of an argument with taxi drivers we arrived at the airport. When we got there it was the same story... one by one flights were being cancelled or delayed by hours. I could picture us spending the rest of the day in the airport, and the night at the hotel... until they called for us to line up and board the plane.

I have never been so happy to get on a plane!

Saturday, 6 October 2012

Croatia, Sukosan: My Memoirs


On 23rd of September I went to Sukosan, Croatia with my friends. Unlike our previous short breaks, this was different because Ash had been replaced by 3 girls.


- Getting off the plane into 28 degree Celsius heat. A real 'wtf' moment when getting off a Ryanair plane.

- Brandi getting locked in the airport toilets.


- Walking through the really picturesque Sukosan village for the first time. Every house seemed to be growing things like olives, green and red peppers, grapes, tomatoes, and other things.



- Going to a restaurant and ordering two big meat platters between us, but it wasn't quite enough meat. I trusted the guilty-of-war-crimes-looking waiter.


- Having amazing fresh pizzas (fresh because we saw the chef go over to the shop to buy things after we ordered).

- Walking back from the restaurant in the dark. The village seemed so haunted, complete with a young girl on a squeaky swing. Then a small child came running out of it's house towards Charlotte and she sh*t it.



- Playing Ring of Fire, followed by Drinking Munchkin (and a few mins later without the drinking), making me 2 wins out of 2 games with Munchkin. Then charades, and then the TV moustache drinking game.



- Liam having a few too many, "arching like a cat" over the kitchen sink, and then painting the corridor and all 3 of the toilets.

- The cute puppy that came running out, and randomly jumping up each of us, and gently biting my hand.


- Going into Zadar, and walking down a street fully of ice-cream shops, where every single shop was better than the next. I bought a bubblegum one first one, which turned out to be a huge mistake. I was later walking along with a bubblegum in one hand, and Kinder ice-cream in the other. If I had held out longer there were even better ones.

- Seeing Croatian Santa in Zadar.



- Liam texting Ash a picture of every church we saw.


- Being on the roughest bus I've seen, covered in graffiti of dicks.

- Our taxi driver getting pulled over by police (who had guns, crazy people) on the way to Plitvice lakes.



- Driving past really small villages, with half-constructed houses.



- Going through a weird looking town built around a river deep into a canyon. It had loads of appartment blocks that looked like a cross between Malaga and Chernobyl, and had the ruins of a castle in the middle.

- A Chinese person asking Mike for a picture, and when he agreed and assumed he would take their camera off them, they photographed him holding his burger.



- Walking through Plitivce Lakes national park, and seeing the many, many waterfalls and beautiful sights.




- Talking with Liam, Craig, and Mike, and deciding we will start developing things together. Hopefully this will be an important part of our history!



- Charlotte buying yoghurt instead of milk, and Brandi putting it on her cereal.

- Us men being manly and cooking spaghetti bolognese, and making a brutal cocktail using the suspicious house-spirit.



- Getting hammered playing Battleshots, then going out wandering around as a group, finding a scary abandoned building next to the sea, and then skinny dipping.



- Making our way home, wet and cold, and we all thought we had to take the road to the left, but Mike thankfully somehow know exactly where to go.



- Seeing Croatian Mario in Sukosan.

- Sunbathing on the pier, and actually getting a bit of a tan from a Ryanair holiday.


- Playing Munchkin again, and becoming 3/3 wins at it. Muwahaha. "Steady steady... turkey turkey".

- Buying a sandwich in the airport, and it literally being the worst sandwich I have ever eaten. It was only ham too, I don't know how they could go so wrong.



Wednesday, 6 June 2012

Riviera Maya, Mexico: My Memoirs

On the 19th April 2012 I went to Mexico to get married. I didn't expect many would be able to come along, but I was really happy when my usual holiday friends, Craig (and his girlfriend Charlotte), Liam (and his girlfriend Laura), Mike, Ash and Craig said they would come, joined by my long time good friends Leigh and Neil. Brandi also had a couple of groups of friends coming. Including our families, there were about 36 at the huge, all inclusive resort with us.

Free food, free alcohol, and great people. This lead to the greatest holiday possible! Here are my memoirs:

- The longest flight of my life. Made shorter by being told I could move to lay across 3 empty seats. But made longer by knowing I was only a few hours from seeing Brandi.


- Getting into the hotel and meeting my friends on the first night. The awesome realisation that I could order whatever drinks that I wanted. Even though they tasted the same, I tried to order the most expensive, so I felt sophisticated.



- Going to Tulum and Coba with my friends. The ruins were pretty awesome to see, but most of the day was spent laughing at a German girl, whose male-relation-that-we-couldn’t-determine kept taking photos of her while she did the funniest model poses everywhere. Coba was really awesome to climb though, and look across all of the forest.




- Going shopping in Playa Del Carmen. We bartered with the Mexicans who said Ash's sunglasses were Mr Plastic Fantastic. After getting them down from $70 USD to $7, Mike's sunglasses came apart about 200m from the shop.


- Playing Drinking Poker to get pre-drunk before we went out. It all seemed like a good idea until we found out a mexican ‘shot’ is so much bigger than ours.


- Going to Coco Bongos! Probably the greatest 'club' I've been to. We had VIP tickets, which meant we had our own area, and a waiter to bring drinks all night. So many tequilas! The show was amazing, but it was better to watch how annoyed Liam looked when it started with Phantom of the Opera and Chicago, but how his smile gradually got bigger as they had Beetlejuice and others. One highlight being Craig taking off his top, one of us hiding it, and him nearly getting thrown out for violating the dress code.


- Taking advantage of free room service after the night club. I forgot it would mean I'd have to stay up an extra 30 mins for them to make the food.


- Going to the beautiful water park Xel-Ha. We went down the slowest river on tubes, and had a Royal Rumble on a floating platform. We went into a cenote, and I held a parrot and a toucan. I also did a double somersault dive from a 7 metre jump. Walking around was extremely painful with how hot the ground but. I ended the day by falling asleep in a hammock with Brandi.




- The many nights in Cougar Bar, aka Shaguars, aka Jaguars. The phone call at 3am from Ash, who got epically cock-blocked by three security guards threatening to arrest him for trespassing.


- The really nice French restaurant, having French Onion Soup, Filet Mignon and Creme Brulee. The awesome Brazilian restaurant with the 7 types of meat. So much steak!

- Going to my first lesbian wedding! I nearly got teary. For the starters I enthusiastically ate all of my strange "mushrooms on pastry", and even started to eat Brandi's, which she hadn't touched. Half way through hers, she said "I wouldn't have thought you'd eat snails...". I was nearly sick.

- The Wedding!


- Going to Cozumel with the ferry rocking on the waves. Taking part in the Amazing Cozumel Race. Me and Brandi were on different teams, and her team cheated us out of 3rd place. We’d win if we were together ;).

- Playing Water Polo. Two fat American guys, and two Mexican’s joined us that worked for the hotel. When we finished, the one really good Mexican player got out, swapped into tight white cowboy trousers and hat, and started dancing next to the pool, becoming the most flamboyant gay in Mexico. Afterwards, we played in the pool and took awesome pictures.


 
- Swimming in the cenote in full suit for the Trash The Dress photos. Brandi forgot to pack my shirt, so I had to wear the photographer’s (woman) tight white shirt. I also got to recreate Jack walking out of the sea in Lost.


- The hilarious jokes about the ‘school of fish’, ‘karaoke opera’, and ‘salt Peter, pepperoni’.


- Playing 10 man Battlehsots!

 

- Our night on the beach, dressing as the Vestman Army, playing ‘I Have Never’, and grappling with Laura. Leigh getting ‘door-knobbed’ and chased around the beach.



- Going to the Japanese restaurant where they put on a bit of a show while cooking. We sat next to a nice Canadian couple and watched the chef flip things into his hat and set things on fire. It was all going well until I went to the bathroom, and Brandi awkwardly told them about how we met online, got engaged fast, and married a year later.


- Going skinny dipping with Brandi after one of the clubs. We must have been swept along the sea a bit, because it took us ages to find our clothes, and a group of people, and a man sweeping sand saw us.


- The nice wildlife around the hotel. The really nice iguanas, and the weird light-up flies (that didn’t seem like normal fireflies).


- Going to the club and deciding I like opera-style music, when performed by 3 Mexicans.


- Neil never being seen without a Pina Colada in hand.


- Getting a couple’s massage, and having a Mexican woman whisper in my ear while rubbing my bottom.

- Playing different games around the hotel, like flooded mini golf, table tennis, basketball, water basketball, and giant chess.


- Mike finally climbing to the top of a palm tree on our last night