The Wedding: My Memoirs

On the 26th of April 2012 I got married. I always thought I'd get married when I was 23 or 24, but that plan was long abandoned, only for it to happen anyway.

The wedding was amazing, surrounded by two weeks in Mexico with my friends and family. We have finally gotten the pictures back, so I thought it was about time to write about it.

During the holiday I wasn't too nervous about the wedding until a couple of days before. I was fairly laid back about it, and just thought that if anything went wrong, it would still be good because it's a wedding (unless she didn't turn up.. that would suck). 

On the day of the wedding we woke up together (I wasn't about to waste a night we could have spent together, just for tradition). The wedding was at 4pm, so I had to find something to do with my time during the day. Thankfully my friends were there, and we played table tennis, basketball, and watched UFC to pass the time.

As it approached 2:30 I was getting more nervous. I wasn't so nervous about the ceremony, but more so trying to give a speech after. Neil seemed pretty nervous about giving his too, and spent a lot of the time on the balcony, reading and looking over his speech.

A wedding photographer came to our room, and one to Brandi's room. I had to have photo wearing the vest on the wedding (top picture). While I was getting ready, Calvin (Brandi's brother, and one of my groomsmen) came over with a letter and present from Brandi. The letter was really nice (I won't say what it said...) and the gift was a pair of socks, with a label she had made that said "for if you get cold feet". I was touched, but made sure to stay looking manly in front of my friends!

In our room, Leigh (another of my groomsmen) ironed my shirt (I'm terrible at ironing), and he was also nice enough to lend me his belt - I didn't even think to wear one. With that we set out.

It felt like I was standing under the gazebo for hours. It was really, really hot, and I could feel myself start to sweat. The minister was asking me a few questions, and I couldn't figure out if they were for official purposes or out of conversation, so I didn't want to get them wrong. At one point he asked how long we had been together, to which my answer was something like "erm... erm... a few months, 2 months, no, 6, no... a year... I dunno".  I was close enough.

Then the music started. He told me to turn and look at him, so I couldn't see Brandi until the last second. It was torture. One by one I saw the bridesmaids stand at the front. He asked if I had seen her that day, I panicked, thinking he might void the wedding, and said "no". Eventually he said I could turn around.

She looked beautiful. I loved her dress. It is exactly what I would have picked if I was a bride. The troll minster then started his trolling. He said "Andy... are you not going to tell her how you think she looks?". I told her how beautiful she looked. "Andy... are you not going to thank her father?". I quickly said thanks. "Andy... are you not going to shake her father hand?". This was my first time getting married... a heads up before would have been better!

The minister said some nice words. I eagerly listened as well as I could, mainly so I could make sure I understood what he was saying, for when I had to repeat after him. I thought I did, until he said "repeat after me". I was already nervous, but the next moment was pretty cringe-worthy. I don't remember the exact wording, but it was along these lines...

Minister: I Andrew, take Brandi to be my P!"£*&
Me: ... Pardon?
Minister:  I Andrew, take Brandi to be my P!"*£*&
Me: ... Sorry, what?
Minister:  I Andrew, take Brandi to be my P!"£*&
Me: .... .... ....

It was horribly awkward. Everybody was looking at me, and I had no idea what he was saying. In a normal situation I would just smile, give a light amused laugh which covers most things, and turn around. I had hit the three repeat barrier, and even that is painful to reach, but I was about to have to do the ungodly fourth, or have to run away from the wedding. I thought intensely, and decided I was in too deep, and was thinking of a socially acceptable way to ask again. But just at that moment, Brandi, proving why I should marry her, stepped in and said "Partner...". Suddenly everything was clear. To be my partner.

I'd like to say everything went smoothly from then on, but that wouldn't be strictly true. Troll Minister handed me the microphone and said "Do you have any words for your bride?". In front of friends and family, at a time that I'm hardly able to think straight anyway, since not falling over is taking most of my effort, he expects me to freestyle a nice message.

I tried my best to muster some words. More sweat. I thought I did quite well, though I literally had no idea what I was saying and still don't. All I remember is Brandi saying "like? not love?". I got revenge though, because she had to right after, but I think hers was nice.

And then we kissed and it was done. Success! I breathed a sigh of relief, but Neil brought me back to reality by telling me to cover my shirt, which was covered in sweat by this point.

While standing around Neil laughed about how the vows "were like a minefield" for me. I cannot say "R's" very well, and had to say "Brandi", "bride", and "ring" all in one sentence. I managed 2 out of 3. At one point, I fully said "wing", worse than I ever would normally. I wanted to go back and correct it, but I thought it could confuse the minister, who I was scared might take any chance to void the wedding.

Since Neil laughed at my inability to say "R's", I will share an amusing anecdote. As we walked down the aisle, the bridesmaids and groomsmen were to walk behind, linked arms. Neil and Michelle (Brandi's bridesmaid and cousin) got a bit confused in the situation, and the linked arms got lower and lower, until they walked off holding hands. They were very embarrassed about it afterwards.

And then the photos started! Many, many photos, but I am really pleased with how they all turned out. With the above photo, the photographers asked everybody to pull a funny face. Leigh really pushed the boat out, and maintained almost his entirely same pose, with the exception of slightly sticking his tongue out. I assumed a Vestman pose.

The area where we had the photo's was beautiful. The almost cloudless blue sky, clear sea and white sand made it seem like paradise.

After the photos of friends and family were done we went off to take a few of just us. I was feeling quite self-conscious, and thought I looked a mess. My hair was all over the place with the ones by the sea, and it was hard not to squint in the sunlight. I was still on top of the world though, Brandi looked beautiful.

As we walked to different areas for photos, Brandi had many looks. Young girls loved her, because of her big dress. Lots of parents quickly called them to come and look at her. It was cute. We also had a lot of really nice people give their congratulations and say how nice she looked.

I was quite thankful by the end of the photos. I don't like properly posing for photos anymore, and get bad flashbacks to the photo shoot days and get self-conscious. We went to our designated meeting point which would take us to the reception area for the meal.

When we got there nobody was there. It turns out that the shuttle left early, without the bride and groom. We found this out after already waiting too long, so we were late for the reception. We had the choice of either trying to book another, or get the hotel bus that was right there. So yes, we ended up taking the bus to the reception.  

The area was decorated really nicely. Brandi made a lot of the smaller features herself. We had a 'thumb tree' as a guest book, where people would leave a thumb print on a picture of a leafless tree I made. Brandi made everybody name cards which said what table they were on, and they were hung up by pegs she made, on a washing line.

By this point me and Neil were extremely nervous. We couldn't even enjoy the meal (which I cry when I think about now... lobster tail and fillet Mignon, with an amazing half-baked brownie as dessert. The moment had finally came for the speeches.

Brandi's mom and dad, and best friend all gave really, really nice, touching speeches. When I finally got up to do mine I had already decided I didn't really like the one I wrote, and partly free-styled. I think its difficult to write before the event, as you don't know what the vibe will be. I think it all went well though, and I even tried to speak clearly.

Neil's speech was amazing. It was so funny. I was nervous for him during it, and ended up drinking 3 cocktails really quickly. I moved onto a glass of wine that was the only thing in arms reach, but thankfully it was just water. Everybody said how good his speech was.

And with that, the night was started. We left all guests maracas, which went down really, really well, especially with Craig who always had one in each hand. I ordered round of shots to my friends table, to get revenge on Craig for the amount of tequila he ordered a few nights before.

After that shots went around everybody. There was so much tequila, with a Mariachi band playing away as we danced. We started doing a limbo, and at one point Liam lifted Mike high above his head in a dirty-dancing style pose.  

We had our first dance, and everything was perfect. It is right when they say that getting married is the happiest day of your life. Brandi looked stunning, and at that point it is clear to see how lucky I am to spend the rest of my life with her.

Throughout the night I found opportunities to tell my friends how much it meant that they were there, and their friendship throughout the years. It may sound gay, but I think it is important to show every so often.

We cut the cake, and I managed to cake-face-slam her... and the dancing continued into the night, and then on to Jaguars!

Anyone who is a regular reader may wonder "what about the birth whisky?"... well, since getting married we haven't been able to be together, so the real life change will be when she arrives in England on Saturday. That is when the whisky will come out.