Andy hmmm

Awh. Nice Spotify!

2012-02-01T18:30:00.000Z

I write a lot of "strongly worded emails". It seems to be becoming a hobby. I am one of those annoying people that customer services hate, that complain about the wording on the package. It is mainly out of boredom. The only example that has ever made it onto the blog is the whole Bloomex affair.

Last week I was annoyed that the council summoned me to court over council tax payments. It's more annoying that I didn't see any reminders. It's not an issue, I paid it, it just cost me an extra £62 that I could have done without paying. Needless to say, it put me in a mood.

When I got to work I put my laptop on so I could listen to music and put me in a better mood. I use Spotify. It's awesome. Apart from this one time... it had deleted all my songs. I cracked my fingers, ready for a "strongly worded email".

After saying a few things that annoy me (the songs redownloading, the mobile app sometimes crashing) I ended it with saying that I was sending it mainly because I was having a bad day.

I had a reply from them the next day... at the end of it, Tom, a guy who everyone would want to be their best friend, wrote:

What a gentleman. I then found this picture attached at the bottom, entitled "Have a great day Andy.jpg":

It did, indeed, put me in a better mood! Especially considering the "strongly worded email" to Groupon the same day had an annoying, default response.

Leaving our First Home

2012-01-31T16:47:00.000Z

At the end of July I signed the contact for a 6 month lease for mine and Brandi's first place together, for while she was here. She moved in in August, and we had a great time. Here are some pictorial memoirs...

Today I am handing my keys back. I moved back into my parents just before Christmas, after Brandi moved out on the 8th December.

Workplace pranks: Dave loving male genitalia

2012-01-30T13:09:00.000Z

The other day, Dave printed out a returns invoice to send back a headguard because his head is too big for it. After printing it he left the document on his computer, and the paper folded on his desk. I quickly made some changes (read the last line), printed it out, and placed it folded in the original place.

I am immature, I know. I eagerly awaited him posting it.

They sent him a new head guard, with this attached.

New Years 2012 Resolutions

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000Z

After writing them I pretty much didn't look at my 2011 resolutions. I hardly remember even writing them, so you can guess that I didn't really stick to them. I don't blame myself too much though, the year was so unpredictable that it's hard to plan something at the start that will stay relevant throughout.

So, my 2010 resolutions were:

1) Continue boxing. Improve on weaknesses and become a much better boxer than I am now.
I continued boxing until about August. After August I wanted to spend more time at home than the gym. Although I only drew one and lost one fight in 2011, I think I am a much, much better boxer than at the start of the year.

2) Cook something for my 100+ Things To Do Cookbook once a month.
This didn't happen. I will save this for when Brandi can help me do it.

3) Become a better programmer and create a website.
I worked with Dan and Mike to start a website. Things didn't go to plan throughout, and we all let it fade a bit. The website is still most definitely in my mind, and ready to make at some point, and I am sure when I made some progress Dan and Mike will be up for doing it again. I will, will, at some point, make a proper website.

4) Sort out those damn finances.
I don't really know whether to say this was a success or not. I spent a lot of money this year, but on worthwhile things. I have been saving fairly well for the wedding. For a few months of the year literally every penny I spent was logged (which made me spend less). If I find myself leaking money again this year I will do the same.

5) Cycle 50 miles.
This didn't happen.

6) Meet up with more friends that I don't see as often.
This probably happened less than usual. When everything started going rubbish at the start of the year, I didn't feel like I had that many people to speak to. It's always difficult to know who are "friends" and who aren't.

7) Arrange more fun things to do, so I spend less time just sitting in my room
I went out a few times. I didn't do much though. I don't really know who I would ask to do things with. I need to try and find out which people are up for doing fun things, and then think of some stuff to do.

8) Cross 5 things off the 100+ Things To Do List.
I managed 7!

9) Save for a mortgage.
I saved, though not for a mortgage. I ended up doing things a bit back-to-front... but the wedding saving is going fine.

2012 Resolutions:

1) Find out who my friends are and be loyal to them
Don't try and go out my way to make someone like me that isn't making any effort to get to know me. I will be a bit more selfish and not just go out because I feel like I should, or go out my way to please people. A lot of the time it doesn't seem to be noticed.

2) Try and further my knowledge in all areas
I find most things interesting, and my thirst for learning is more now than ever before. I've noticed my general knowledge has improved because of it too.

3) Notice when something is just my ego speaking, and learn to ignore it
If I find myself wanting to argue my point, I will try and decide whether it is actually worth it. Most of the time I have no need for someone to believe me about something, so I shouldn't get so offended when they don't. This goes for any suggestions/recommendations. If I think someone will like something, I will tell them. If they ignore it, or don't even appreciate the mention, then I will learn that they aren't someone I should consider recommending things to in future.

4) Start caring about my appearance again
I feel more out of shape now. I wear jeans and a tshirt all the time, and I never do my hair. This is partly down to the "can't be arsed with anything" attitude I got into last year, and ended up carrying on. This will have to change. I have started helping out with a boxing class lately, I just need to push myself more in it so I can get some fitness.

Pretty short and sweet, though I may add a couple of things over the next few days as I do some thinking.

2011 Year In Review

2011-12-31T17:05:00.000Z

2011 Has been a pretty crazy year, ending entirely differently than how it started. At the start of the year I was living in shared accommodation with really nice people, I mainly hung around with the 'omglan' guys, I was going out with Melissa, I worked at Switch, but most of all I didn't really have that much direction, or knowledge of what I really wanted.

Last Year's 'unwritten' story:

The previous year I had been talking to Brandi quite often. We were just friends, but very much alike. I really, really liked her, but I am not much of an Internet warrior, so I never really thought anything would happen. Around July last year I realised I genuinely liked her, though obviously had to carry on with my life (you don't wait around for a celebrity you like to like you back..). I got back with Melissa, which may or may not have been a mistake. When I got back with Melissa, I did really like her, but as time went on I realised my feelings for Brandi were too strong.

During a brief time apart from Melissa I did some thinking and realised I can't just obsess over a girl on the Internet, there is a good chance I would never see her, and maybe my feelings are unfounded, how well can you know someone you've never met? Melissa treated me really good (much better than I had treated her lately), and I felt like I was at crossroads, one side being entirely right, and the other side would have me always thinking "what if", but I didn't know which side was which. Initially I went the wrong way. I got back with Melissa and me and Brandi attempted to not speak anymore. This was fine for a couple of hours, but the feelings weren't going. I still really liked Melissa, but not in the same way. I couldn't see myself being with her forever. And I couldn't stop myself talking to Brandi. These were all signs that I shouldn't be in a relationship. It would just be leading her on.

So, 2011...

In January I broke up with Melissa. It was really difficult, but deep down I knew it was the right decision. I felt I needed to get my focus back.

I really enjoyed working at Switch. They are some of the nicest people I have worked with, but I felt I needed to move on from there. With the financial 'climate' how it is, the only way I could keep progressing would be to move jobs, so I made that decision at the start of the month. Much like the previous job search, I had one single interview which turned out to be a really good job and was offered it right after. This time I had more knowledge of my value, so I initially turned down the job due to them offering me, what I consider, much less than what I should get. They very slightly raised this, and I weighed up the potential opportunity against the initial low wages and accepted.

Only the first month and two big life changes. I was quite unsettled, to say the least!

February was going to be a bit of damage control from January. I was aiming to get everything sorted and try and get back to normal. I was still talking to Brandi every day, and one of us mentioned us meeting properly. I quickly suggested she should come over and offered her a place to stay. I couldn't go over there as I was still working, and I was trying to save for Brazil the following month.

She had suggested coming over for a couple of weeks, but possibly spending some of that time in Bristol or visiting other people. I convinced her to come over for 3 weeks, and secretly wanted to spend every second with her. She agreed to this (wooo) and I set about spending every second of the next few weeks planning what we could do.

On the 13th of February I drove to the airport to pick her up. It is possibly the most excited I had ever felt. I stood nervously in the airport. I had one song on loop on my mp3 player. It was a 7 min song, and I kept guessing how many repeats it would have before she walked out of the arrivals. I started getting worried when it got to about 6. At one point the airport was full of Asian people, but by 8 plays I was one of the few people left standing there. I didn't write down her mobile number, I had no way to contact her.

When it had gotten to about 10 plays I went and asked the airport people. They radioed through to see if anyone was there, and told me there were no "white Caucasians". I was very worried. If I had missed her it would be terrible. I couldn't leave there, just in case. I'd end up being like Tom Hanks in The Terminal. And then she walked out.

I am normally a confident guy, but after a hug I had no idea what to say. You could even see I was nervous by my walk. I pretty much forgot how to drive, and forgot how to get home. But it was so nice having her there. She was beautiful.

The next three weeks were amazing. Mostly. My day plans went off without a hitch. We did loads of things. Later on when people asked how long I had been with her they were very surprised at 3 weeks since it seems like we had been together ages from the pictures. After the initial nervousness I felt so comfortable with her. It felt like we had been together forever. She met my friends and they really liked her too, a few even added her on Facebook.

As I said, things were only 'mostly' good. For two reasons. Since it hadn't been long since I broke up with Melissa, I asked my friends to keep it quiet from her. I wasn't being dishonest, when I broke up I told her that it was because I wanted to find someone else. Regardless, I knew she wouldn't take it well. One of the evenings I made the mistake of replying to loads of posts on my Facebook wall, but accidentally logged in her Brandi. Melissa instantly saw this and sent many nasty messages. I tried to ignore these and carry on with my week.

A few days later I found out that Melissa had kept asking my friends about it, and one of them told her everything about it. He had previously added Brandi on Facebook, and had pasted Melissa her status about me buying her flowers. He told her that we had invited him for a meal, and told her he said no because he thought I had been to bad to Melissa. There was more, but its not worth a bigger paragraph. I instantly broke connections with this person, letting the other few people in my group know why. When I did it I clearly stated my reasons, with proof, to ensure it wasn't twisted and I wasn't called a liar. I didn't say anything offencive, just that I didn't want to hang around any more.

My friends didn't exactly back me up with this. My best friend who I had known for ages told me he had cancelled his BBQ, just because the other guy said he wouldn't go if I did. He had told people I was lying about it, and my friends chose not to bother even reading the proof I said with the message. I was feeling pretty down.

On top of this, my mom wasn't exactly loving the situation. She had made it very clear that she didn't like me dating a girl I had just met off the Internet. And I felt more betrayed when I found out she had told Melissa that I brought Brandi to meet the family.

I felt pretty alone, the only person I had was Brandi. I felt like the friendships I thought I had were possibly non-existent, and that most people wouldn't bother to see me if I didn't arrange to see them first. I ended up not really seeing a lot of my friends for a while.

March can be seen as the 'rock bottom'. Something like the Sun between the 21st December and the 25th. I was probably at my lowest, but then towards the end there was a 1 degree rise.

It was coming to the end of Brandi's trip to England. It was really sad because I didn't know when I was going to see her again. We had such a good time, but there was so much uncertainty. All I knew is that I wanted to be with her forever.

A couple of days after she left I started my new job. I was nervous about this, as in the interview they kept saying how it is a really hard job, and that I have to be a really good programmer, etc. I was very honest and told them I am still learning and progressing quickly, but I am far from 'the best'. When I started it was reminiscent to being at my first programming job. The systems were huge, and it felt like I would never learn them all, but I think I fit in really well and became useful almost instantly.

Starting the job wasn't ideal, as later in the month I had a trip to Brazil. I asked them if I could start after, as I didn't want to lose 2 weeks holiday, especially after starting part way through the year. I needed holiday left because I planned to go to Canada and visit Brandi. They wouldn't let me, but told me if I start they could look at letting me have time off unpaid.

I had neglected boxing training the last two months. I either didn't have time, or felt too down to go. Normally this would be fine, but I had a fight coming up on the 18th. It was a fight against a guy that is widely seen as the best in my weight at the gym. I didn't have many private sessions because of the new job, so I didn't have much of a game plan. My fitness wasn't really there, and my confidence was even less.

I had kept almost everything off my blog. All I had written on everything was this post.

The night of the fight came and I wasn't feeling confident. I forgot to eat before the fight, I didn't even really do pads. I just sat there waiting. The fight went quite well, but it ended in a draw. In the final round I was up by a few points but let it slip. I felt like I let myself down somewhat.

The good thing about the fight is that I didn't break any ribs, which meant I could go to Brazil still the following week. I was going with Andy, my ex girlfriend's (Tara) old best friend's (Freya) ex boyfriend. We hadn't seen a lot of each other over the years past, but he seemed to have the 'traveller spirit', and thought he'd be a good person to go on holiday with.

Brazil was really fun, and beautiful. I was able to build a card tower using every card (something I thought I'd never do!) . It gave me a lot of time to think about what I want (while I was jogging along Copacabana Beach). And what I wanted was Brandi. But she lives in Canada, and I have no money. I really, really have no money. I had just spent 3 weeks taking her to all these places to impress her. I had just under a month unemployed, then I had to wait another month to get paid from the new places, and in that time I was in Brazil, that I hadn't saved for). I needed money.

When I got back in April I decided to move out of my place and back to my parents. I felt like my life was changing, and I needed to be able to afford the changes. Brandi had discussed moving over here, but it's difficult. She can't work as a nurse here without having a years experience there (of which she had 1 month), so if she did I would have to support her.

I had looked at getting flights to Canada. I had hardly any days holiday left. I could manage about 1 week, but it would mean having no further days off. I emailed the work people about getting unpaid holiday mentioned previously by the recruitment consultant. They told me they don't allow that, and that I could possibly take 1 day unpaid. I was screwed. It was so annoying, as it was stopping me doing what I valued over everything else, seeing Brandi. I had even considered leaving just so I could have more time to see her. And then... a huge strike of luck, they changed the working year, effectively giving everyone 5 days extra holiday.

I also had a nice trip to London, where I met my favourite blog friend and eat noodles, stayed with Neil, and caught up with Australian Kellie.

Thankfully, because of being extremely frugal in Brazil I had some money left, but I still eagerly awaited pay day, got a credit card on top, and bought an engagement ring.

In May I got to cross two things off my list, in what was a really memorable weekend. I went to Scotland (for the first time) with my mom and dad, to try and drive all the way to John O Groats, the furthest north-east you can go in UK. Along the way I saw the Lake District for the first time, and later on I managed to convince my parents to try and climb Ben Nevis, and we are all really glad we did. They impressed me a lot, and we all bonded because of it. We then went on to John O Groats, and saw some amazing sites along the way. We ended up having an argument, mainly because of how things had built up over the last few months, but that is less memorable than the rest of the weekend.

The engagement ring arrived part way through the month. I was excited, and thought it was beautiful. Though it was also another reminder that I needed to start saving money, so I first downgraded my car (petrol, tax and insurance on it was crazy!).

More importantly I booked my flights to Canada, with all my plans to propose in place.

At the start of June I went to Vancouver. It was an amazing two weeks spent in a beautiful part of the world. On the second week we went to a picturesque island and went for a walk, and I looked for a scenic area to propose, and nervously got down on one knee. I was most nervous about being with her when she told her parents, but I really liked her family so hoped it would all be okay.

Writing all this reminds me of a post I made quite a while back, over a year to be precise. In the post I said about how happy I was, and I was nervous that at any point things would crash down harder, and although it did at the start of the year, it shot right back up after Brandi said "yes" in June.

When July came I pretty much hadn't done any training in a while. I had maybe sparred a few times, but nothing big. That would be fine, and stuff, but I had a boxing fight to go to. I also had no support there, as the tickets were £100. I had no fitness, but I was still confident that my technique would win it. I was wrong.

It had been 4 months since I had started my new job, and I felt like I was settling in quite well. I got on with Dave Jr and Dave Sr well, and they were good to talk to. The work I was doing was manageable, and actually quite fun in parts, so that side of my life was going good.

Me and Brandi still talked every day, and planned when she would come over. We decided she would come over either early September or late June. I pushed for the latter, and looked around to a house we could rent while she was here. I found a nice Tudor-style house in Moseley, a really nice part of Birmingham.

I spent the first half of August trying to make the house look presentable for Brandi's arrival. It was pretty messy at the start, but my dad helped me paint some walls and I cleaned lots. Though while I was trying to clean the house, idiots around the UK were trying to destroy everything in a week of riots. This was a nice way to welcome Brandi to England for her 3 and a half month visit.

When she arrived it was so exciting. Aside from the fact that I actually slept in and was a bit late picking her up from the airport (I felt so, so bad). It was my first time living with a girlfriend, and anyone that complains about it is crazy.

September, October and November are all a blur. I enjoyed every single second (maybe apart from getting stung by a wasp, during the night, for the first time in 20 years). I was excited to come back from work every day, and would have fun just watching TV programs together (Always Sunny, Community, The Office, Gavin and Stacey, Dexter, Amazing Race, Coupling), and playing computer games together. We also painted paintings! An activity I haven't done probably since I was last stung by a wasp, but enjoyed a lot. Her mom and brother stayed with us while they were travelling Europe, but I'm not sure we made England look as good as we could have. We went to Estonia, our first mini holiday together, and had a really good time (apart from the stupid border control woman being a bitch). And after trying to come up with an idea, the night before we managed to come up with Halloween costumes we were happy with. So happy I blue everywhere. We went on double dates with Lee and Gemma, and I introduced Brandi to my friends that she hadn't met. We planned our wedding, which we had originally decided to be in Canada, but changed to be Mexico. The future was looking bright, and if it's like this forever I will be pretty damn happy.

All in all they were 3 amazing months.

December was sad. We knew it had to come to an end, but the time was going by so fast. We couldn't spend Christmas this year together, but my family put on a nice mock-Christmas. We also made an awesome gingerbread house. But alas, our baking activities wouldn't mean she didn't have to leave, and on the 8th of December she was gone.

I started moving all my things back to my parents from our house in Moseley, as it suddenly felt really, really empty without her. Although now I won't be seeing her until the wedding it doesn't feel as sad as when she went home in March. Now I know that I will see her again, there is no uncertainty, and for anyone wondering... I have absolutely no doubts about getting married.

Christmas came extremely quickly. It is possibly one of the best Christmases I have had (though it's hard to remember the ones from when I was younger, aside from a few small but vivid memories). I got to spend time with my family, drinking whisky and playing board games. Playing computer games with my nephews, and seeing friends. Ellie and Savannah seem much older now, and have got to the age where I can have little tea parties with them.

Tonight I will be going to Joe's house for new years, but I am not going to bother waiting to write about it. I used to attach a lot of importance to New Years Eve, as being the first day of the year, it sets the standard for how your year will be. I don't as much now, as looking back it hasn't really ever been any sort of indication. April is usually the month that you know.

119) Build an awesome gingerbread house

2011-12-21T10:58:00.003Z

Me and Brandi lived in our first place together this year from late August until she left in early December. This is partly because I wanted to spend loads of time with her, and partly because I know she is good at making gingerbread houses.

With Christmas closely approaching in December we decided to start work on the gingerbread house. Buying the ingredients cost quite a lot of money, mainly because I just got a shite load of sweets. Brandi upset me by saying she wanted to get a mould for it. Not on my watch. This 100 Things to Do list must be done properly. A mould is one step away from just buying the house.

I didn't take many photos of making the house, mainly because it was so annoying, and we didn't finish until about 4 days after we started.

Making the gingerbread was difficult because we needed an electric whisk, so I had to stir really hard. Then we had to freeze the mix. It took us another two days until we decided not to be lazy and to finish it, but the next step was to cut the shapes out. I did all the pieces... wrong, so then I wanted nothing more to do with it so I went and played on the computer while Brandi fixed it.

When she was done cutting the shapes I was more willing to help again, so I put the oven on. Very helpful. It wouldn't have been finished without the oven being turned on.

We then put the walls together using an icing sugar based cement, and left it until it was ready to decorate.

Brandi decorated one side of the roof. It was 'pretty', but it wasn't gingerbread house-y enough. It was more like the decoration someone with OCD might do.

I showed her how it should be done! Handfulls of sweets thrown at the roof! And I finished it off with a Curly Whirley roof and gates. Brandi added trees made out of ice cream cones.

I was quite pleased! And I think we impressed our visitors. It didn't really get eaten because nobody really loves gingerbread, but it made the house smell nice.

Tallinn, Estonia: My Memoirs

2011-11-09T13:00:00.000Z

On the 21st October 2011 me and Brandi took our first holiday together (where we were 'both' on holiday). We decided to go to Tallinn, the Medieval capital of Estonia.

- Being on a plane with Brandi for the first time of many.

- Going to Kumu Art Museum. A crazy museum with exhibits including a woman licking a baby, the same woman lying naked with puppies crawling on her, and a room full of carvings of heads and one bird.

- Going site-seeing around Old Town, a really medieval city with amazing looking city walls and towers.

- Getting drunk together and eating crisps in the hotel room on really nice Estonian vodka.

- Going to an old KGB room on the secret 23rd floor of the main hotel in Tallinn. Being amazed with how recently the Soviets forcibly occupied Estonia and how weird life must have been under their rule.

- Walking around the outskirts of Tallinn, looking for the abandoned prison. Finding a crazy looking factory complex, and getting a much better idea what of Tallinn is like.

- Being extremely disappointed with Hesburger after remembering it as being really nice in Lithuania.

- Going to a nightclub called Hollywood. It took quite a while to find, but was very worthwhile inside. Brandi had guys talking to her, and then had girls push into her that must have realised I was Captain Vestman ;).

- Going to the Lahemaa National Park, the biggest in Soviet Russia when it was under their control. Seeing a waterfall that looked like the road just broke away. I got to walk behind the waterfall.

- Hearing the interesting history of Estonia from the tour guide, and their struggle being between Germany and Russia in World War 2.

- Visiting the abandoned Soviet submarine base, and learning about how the submarines would go through a magnetised spiral underwater, which would reset their magnetic signature making them undetectable by radar and underwater mines. It was a really interesting place with Soviet Propaganda pictures.

- Going to Kasmu, known as 'Captains Village', an old well known port. Had a great scenic view from a Soviet watch tower, followed by an amazing lunch made by the millionaire owner of a home-built museum.

- Driving around and getting out in different areas to see the amazing Estonian wilderness.

- Going on a swing that is a common past-time for younger people, who get drunk, swing high and then try and jump off into trees.

- Walking through a forest and seeing beaver dams, and drinking water from a natural spring.

- Going on a 3km hike through their famous bog that in places was over 2m deep. The surroundings were truly amazing.

- Trying to decide what to start collecting with Brandi.

Halloween 2011

2011-11-01T13:31:00.000Z

For Halloween this year me and Brandi spent ages trying to think of a costume. In the end we thought of Tobias and Lindsay Fünke, from Arrested Development.

I completely 'blued up', complete with never-nude cut-offs. Since most people don't actually know who they are, here is a picture of them in Arrested Development.

On Thursday night we carved pumpkins. I am not very good at doing them usually, but I think I did quite well! Brandi's looks amazing. It is an old groaning man. Mine was a face, and I tried to give it a hair outline, which looked really bad, but then I put the cut out bit back in giving it an outline glow.

On the Saturday night we went to a house party (in the above costumes). I got quite drunk at a house party near my old house. Most people thought I was a Smurf, or an Avatar person. Only one American actually got who I was. I am quite pleased, being someone quite unknown is what I usually aim for, like Antoine Dodson last year (also shows all my other fancy dress things).

On the actual night of Halloween I went to my mom and dads, and we had a Halloween party, and then I went Trick or Treating with my nephews and nieces. It was really fun. We decided to only knock on the doors of people that have Halloween decorations, as they are likely to expect people coming around. It was nice to see that so many people had got in the spirit of it (pun) with some putting up really good decorations, and one lady inviting them in to see her life-size spooky waiter statue.

My Third Boxing Fight

2011-10-13T18:35:00.000+01:00

Back in July I had my third boxing fight. I wrote a post just before saying I was quite confident. I was. Despite not having much chance to train, I felt like I had improved a lot from my last fight, and a huge amount from my first fight. Regardless, on the night things didn't quite go my way.

I fought at the Burlington Hotel in Birmingham. It was an event put on for charity, by one of Birminghams law firms. Most of the fights involved one of the many boxers that work there (it must be a job that leads to a lot of anger).

When I came out (they cut the start off my music which really pissed me off) I was boo'd, a lot. It was more of a pantomime situation, as it happened in all fights. Every time I hit him I was boo'd, and every time he hit me he was cheered. I started enjoying the boo's, as it meant I was doing something right. I had no support there as tickets cost £100 each.

Personally, I think the scoring was questionable, but regardless, for some reason I fought again without raising my hands. For some reason I feel a lot more relaxed when my hands are low. It makes me feel like I can slip punches easier, but it means I get hit a lot more, which attributed to him winning it 30 - 25.

Here is a video and pictures:

You can see the full, uncut (apart from the entrances) fight here.

15) Paint a painting

2011-10-03T13:41:00.000+01:00

On the 11th of September me and Brandi decided we would paint. We bought a couple of canvases, some paint and a set of brushes. We readied the table with cookies, knives and sink scrubbers (for effect), forgetting any newspaper. We set the atmosphere with alcohol and 'trippy music' and began painting.

We decided to go abstract, for obvious reasons.

I was ready to attack the canvas with akimbo brushes

Brandi prepares her mind

This sort of thing can't be done wearing trousers.

Brandi's complete painting.

My complete painting.

I am willing to admit that Brandi's painting looks a lot better than mine. Hers looks like something you could possibly buy in a shop, and mine looks like something your child brings home from primary school. BUT... mine has a lot more meaning. I shall go into detail.

A) A big 1.

B) A big 'V'. Roman numerals for '5'. With the '1' before it, it becomes '1 5', number 15 on my list. It isn't 4 in Roman numerals, or it wouldn't be overlapping the 'V'.

C) C in Roman numerals, meaning '100'. This is for my 100 things to do list.

D) My 'life line', running right through the painting. This attaches to my 'C', 100 things to do list, as that helps spur my life on, keeping me doing things.

E) F) G) H) My family initials, when using the huge 'V' becomes 'JACK V', an old password we used to use for family things.

I) A sign for infinite, which again comes from my 'C', 100 things to do list. This is to symbolise me not dying.

J) A planet, also coming from the 100 things to do list to symbolise my travelling.

K) The colours of the Captain Vestman vest. The colour is the background to C, I and J, as they all relate.

L) Clearing coming off my Life Line, is a 'B', making the initials BV for Brandi Vogstad.

M) To show my immature side, I have drawn a big long abstract penis in blue.

N) My favourite colours outlining a corner of the painting.

There are a few other things to do with different colours, but an artist shouldn't reveal everything.

And here is the magnificent piece of art in all it's high resolution glory.

They are currently both hanging on the walls in our house.

Night Ninja Wasp

2011-09-21T15:56:00.002+01:00

Last night I had a dream about this game (it was with pans, you split up different kitchen pans and knives, and then one person would put down a pan, and the next person had to put one down that was bigger. It made sense at the time). Then, a guy put the knives in the dishwasher, but they were sticking up. In the dream I then went to push them down, but one of the knives got stuck, and stabbed me in the finger. I said "ahh, that hurt", but I couldn't see a mark, and he said "yeah, I saw that coming".

Then, still in the dream, I walked to another kitchen to get more pans to play again, and suddenly I heard this buzz and jumped up in pain. On the bed lay a wasp, and I must have rolled over and put my hand on it and it stung me. In the dream I must have quickly thought that it was a sharp knife that hurt, and all happened fast enough for the dream to briefly continue before the pain fully hit. How bizarre. I didn't want to get revenge on the wasp, so I got it in a glass and threw it outside.

I had recently said I wanted to know what a wasp sting felt like now, since the last time I was stung I was very young, and it was on my toe while I was on the swing, bare footed, in the garden. It actually hurt a lot more than I would have thought.

The rest of the night was spent having nightmares that the room was full of wasp nests.

Online Gaming: My Memoirs

2011-09-14T14:23:00.000+01:00

I like to play computer games. This started when my parents had an oldschool game thing that apparently only worked when the TV volume was at a certain level. They then bought a Megadrive when I was 4. I played a few different PC games as I got older, but I didn't start properly playing until I was 10. Here are my memoirs:

Microsoft Ants - 1998 (Aged 10)

First real online gaming. Me and Leigh became a good team (for two 10 year olds that just started playing the game). We made a clan called 'PTDC'. Until this day I don't think I had told anyone what it meant. I didn't quite realise what clan tags were, but knew it had to be initials. All I could think about was (and don't judge me, I was 10) the initials of my 4 main teddy bears, Panda, Ted, Dog, and Cheekaboo. I only remember one other person in our clan, PTDC_OAKER2000 (maybe 3000). Back then I was known simply as PTDC_Andy. I wasn't every imaginative.

Quake 2 Demo - 1998 (Aged 10)
Since Antz was on the Microsoft Zone network, I spent most of my time on that. I noticed another popular free game, which was the multiplayer version of the Quake 2 Demo. Me and Leigh occasionally went on this and it was fun. This was where I first learned how to use console commands (much to my moms amusement), such as sv_gravity -10, followed by sv_gravity 3000.

Worms Armageddon - 1999 (Aged 11)
Looking for other games, me and Leigh started playing Worms Armageddon. We actually got surprisingly good at it, and as PTDC we became one of the better known clans. We had a big rivalry with another clan, known as XMEN. We were generally better than them, and had another guy named 'PTDC_Nameless', real name Omar Sultan, an Egyption.

A memorable time was once, during a clan match with XMEN (I believe it may have been our final ever clan match with them), we were drawing 1 game each, and towards the end of the game one of our own players suicide killed our final worm. In the lobby chat after he laughed, and revealed he was actually the deputy of the XMEN clan. They got the last laugh there.

TFC 1.5 - June 1999 (Aged 11)

While on a caravan club rally I bought an issue of PC Gamer, which had a huge feature about Half-Life in it. After playing the Quake 2 demo, I decided to give it a go. The Half-Life multiplayer wasn't that fun, but I tried 'Team Fortress 1.5', which a shortcut to was sneakily added to to my desktop when installing Half-Life. I loved it, and played it for quite a while. I originally had the name PTDC_Andy (not realising the correct format was [Clan Tag]). I then dropped the clan tag, since I wasn't in a TFC clan.

Later on I met a guy named 'Dazz', who was the leader of a clan and he let me join his. Later on I was in a game and a guy asked me about the clan, and what I thought of the leader. I said he seemed like a really nice guy, he then realved himself to be Dazz, and was testing me. I still speak to him occasionaly on Facebook, 12 years later.
A while later in TFC I decided to make my own clan. While in a public server 2 other guys said they wanted to make one too. One was called Jeff, who suggested we be called Dark Knights From Hell, or [DKFH]. I still have [DKFH]Jeff on Facebook, but I didn't ever get the ICQ name of the other guy, and never saw him again.

Counter-strike Beta 5.2+ - February 2000 - 2004 (aged 12 - 16)
While playing TFC, it was noticable that more and more players were leaving to play Counter-strike. This was a lot more realistic shooting game, so I didn't warm to it right away. After giving in I started to play. My first game was with Dazz, and I think it was either on de_dust or cs_747, andt my score was something along the lines of 0 - 34. I distinctly remember not being able to kill anyone. Eventually I picked it up more and became addicted. This was the first time I would say I became obsessed with a game, playing every day. My first name was Assassin2k, though I went through many.

My friends soon started playing this, and it quickly spread to lots of people in the school. The growth of Counter-strike was phenomenal. Since I'm no longer in school I can't compare it to Call of Duty, but when I look at the games now I think "pah, it will never be like counter-strike was". Everyday after school we all played together. We had many clans, such as RR (Russian Revolution), and a monkey one, where we were all named monkey names. My name was "Funky_Monkey", which it stuck at for a while, my friends had names such as "Lumpy_Monkey", and "Spunky_Monkey". Leigh was called "The Monkey of Chaos", but made it a bit better later with "Chaos Monkey".

During this time we frequented servers such as Shady (where I hated most people), and Mr Kitty's (who had a really nice admin that I used to speak to on MSN). We later got our own clan server, and always abused our powers with 'slap'.

Towards the end of my Counter-Strike times I joined BP, and was known as $kill$hot, later Skillshot, and left BP settled in WA (Whoopass) with a clan leader DaFunk (a Northern Irish guy name Kyle Byrne, also on my Facebook). Other memorable people were Sami and Emmanual. Leigh stayed in BP, and went on to run TheSGL with the leader of BP.

Counter-strike was the first game that we started to go by the name 'omgLAN', later 'omglan', when we went to each others house and set our clan tag as such and played on the same team.

The Specialists - 2003 (aged 15)
I feel like The Specialists should get an honourable mention. I used to play many mods. One that I loved was The Opera, a mostly single player mod where you could shoot while diving, using akimbo guns (also taught me what akimbo meant). Later on I played The Specialists, like The Opera, but multiplayer, slow motion, you could run up wall, stop bullets, etc. It was amazing. Me and Neil played this quite a lot, and I got known as one of the best kung-fu people in the game, being able to top score lists without even using guns. My equal was known as "Bruce lee", not a very original game name.

World of Warcraft Dec 2004 - July 2007 (aged 17 - 20)
In the second year of college, Liam introduced me to World of Warcraft. I've never been into fantasy things, but for some reason I instantly decided I wanted to play. This was either a great idea or a huge mistake. World of Warcraft is the most addictive game ever. My character was called Trionell Blackspeed, named after my computer, though I had to drop the Blackspeed initially since you can't have spaces.

By this time, Leigh, my original gaming partner, was spending most of his time working on TheSGL and not playing games. I had convinced Neil to play, though it was a bit after I had started so we rarely got to work together, since we were different level (similar to Me and Liam, who aside from seeing him once, I had never played with). Some weekends Neil would come over to my house with his laptop and we would play most of the night.

I wasn't very good at the game initially, getting to level 60 and still not really knowing how to play. Still upset that my name didn't have the 'Blackspeed', I started a 'guild' (new word for clan, apparently) called 'Blackspeed', so my name was full. I decided to invite as many people in the server as I could, and Blackspeed instantly became one of the biggest (far from best) clans on the original Burning Legion server (same as the original Nihilum guild). One memorable person from our guild was 'Niffer', infamous for ninja-looting one of the rarest items in the game, the Barons horse.

Later on I started taking the game more seriously, and lost almost every waking hour to it during college. It was pretty much the reason I did badly. I joined a new server, Ahn'Quiraj, created a Gnome mage (also called Trionell), and the top PvP guild and quickly became Grand Marshall on the server (top PVP rank). This is when I would class myself as a hardcore game. The guild started doing PvE (fighting in top instances) and I started leading the raids and organising everything. I had some good friends, such as an Italian couple.

I mostly lost interest after this became I realise I had spent ridiculous amounts of time playing the game over 2 years and didn't have much to show for it. I finally broke myself away from playing it, but often have flashbacks.

Playstation 3 - August 2007 (aged 20+)
This was the point that I stopped really playing games as much. I went to University (I can't really say I had less time...), but always stopped myself playing WoW, because I knew it would mean I would completely fail. My days being a 'hardcore gamer' stopped, and I became casual.

92) Eat noodles in London

2011-08-15T12:45:00.000+01:00

I spent Saturday 30th and Sunday 31st of July in London. I was going back to retry a failed trip I had back in April. I had arranged it so that on the Saturday I would see Neil and go to a party at Amy's house, and on the Sunday I would meet Jane, a fellow blogger, and Australian Kellie.

I woke up Saturday morning confused, in someone's bed (alone..), in an almost entirely empty house in Camden. I left the house and decided to make my way to the centre of London. Along the way I got bored of walking and paid £1 for the use of a bike for a day. I sat in the part for a couple of hours learning to do the Rubik's Cube, and then set off to one of the undergrounds to meet Jane.

I have spoke to Jane through the blogging world for over a year. Being someone who has read my list, and also has her own list (with some pretty funny things on), she offered to help me cross of my number 92, 'eat noodles in London'. So at about 1pm the short woman with the messy hair, met the homeless looking guy with the messy hair.

I followed Jane, who knows much more about London than me (having lived there, amongst many other cities of the world), and went to China Town, which I think was near Leicester Square. She decided on a really nice Chinese restaurant and we went in and sat down. I, like always, found Jane to be really interesting and funny, and she has many stories, and is constantly doing new things, so the conversation was flowing.

I had no idea what to order from the menu, so Jane ordered lots of different Dim Sum things. I can't remember what many of them were, but it was interesting trying them all. She also ordered the all important Shanghai Noodles (which were very nice).

We finished the food and walked around Covent Garden talking, while I made my way towards meeting Kellie. We said our goodbyes near Leicester Square, and made sure to have a proper photo (which proved to be more difficult than I'd hoped).

A big thank you to Jane for helping me to cross another item off the list!

The day I parked in a disabled space in a hurry

2011-08-12T18:00:00.001+01:00

This week I had a really embarrassing moment. I was driving past the supermarket and decided to quickly rush in (mainly just to use their toilet, though I did do a polite 'once over' one of the aisles). As I walked out to my car I was horrified to see that I had accidentally parked in a disabled spot. I have never done this before, but the people walking past me didn't know that, and they stared at me angrily the whole time they walked past. There was also a man sat in his car giving me evil looks too.

I put my head down, like a criminal leaving court, and hastily got my key out. I could feel the eyes of the judging people drilling into me as I fumbled to open the door, which seemed to be impossible. And then it clicked. It was impossible... since I had walked over to the wrong car. The car of a disabled person.

With the judging people still staring I had to quickly walk past the car to my own, get in, and speed off. I don't know if it is worse to park in a disabled space, or to be seen to be trying to break into a disabled persons car.

53) Join a riot

2011-08-09T16:00:00.000+01:00

I am very, very pissed off with these riots, and would just like to start this by saying that I have not participated just to cross it off the list.

The riots apparently started when a drug dealer was shot and killed by the police when he pulled out a gun. Since then, some twats have just used it as an excuse to rampage throughout the country, stealing and breaking stuff. It started in London, then spread to Birmingham, then to Manchester, Liverpool, Bristol, Nottingham, Leeds and now there's reports of all other places too.

These are just opportunist thugs, with nothing to actually protest. They say different things like it is because society, or police aren't respectful, and annoyingly the BBC are/were actually calling them protesters.

What the country needs now are some vigilantes (which I have always agreed with), to come in and make an example of some people to show them that they can't just ruin our society. These people obviously have no standards or morals, as you can see them trying to rob closed sandwich stores, McDonalds, and pound shops. Wtf.

These riots made me think about my number 53 on the list. When I added this I was thinking about a more peaceful riot, if there is such a thing. I see a protest as people standing being mostly ignored, and a riot as people making more noise, using slight force, but non-violent and nothing to actually damage things, just disrupt.

Although I had vowed to not take anything off the list, I am considering taking this off, since rioting sucks. I was hoping for something that is actually worth 'rioting' for, but I don't know...

All I hope is that every single person gets caught, owned, and although they won't all fit in prison, I hope they all get house arrest/curfew for a long, long time.

19) Climb Ben Nevis

2011-08-09T15:04:00.000+01:00

I hadn't even heard of Ben Nevis until I was about 22, but after doing some (very quick) research I read that it was the UK's highest mountain at 1,344m (4,409ft). It stands in the Scottish highlands about 10 hours from my house, so not something I can just pop outside to for a ramble. I instantly wanted to put it on my list, because living in the country there is no reason why I shouldn't have climbed it's highest mountain (especially since it doesn't require any major training). I had asked my friends a few times previously, and tried arranging things, but it never came about.

In April my mom and dad asked if I wanted to go to John O Groats with them. I thought that since we were passing by Ben Nevis it could be a good chance to save future petrol and have a nice family memory. My mom was all for it, as she is always up for a challenge and does a lot to help me complete my list.

We camped at the foot of Ben Nevis on the Friday night, and woke up early on the Saturday to climb. I could see the top of the mountain from the bottom, and didn't think it looked too bad. Maybe a couple of hours if I take it steady.

We got walking, and after only 100m into it we encounterd two young Scottish guys, holding a bottle of Vodka, incredibly drunk. They were really helping the stereotype. They asked if it was our first time, and wished us luck.

There were many groups of people hiking that day. Early on we were passed by what looked like some kind of army training team. We were then passed by a few hikers that were in full gear. I was in my long coat and jeans, and my mom and dad were in similar. We had one bottle of fizzy cream soda between us. Everybody else was wearing hiking bags, hiking boots, had water bottles built into their bags, and had walking sticks. Early on I silently mocked them.

After a while of walking we started to go around the side of the mountain, and the wind got very, very strong. I mean stronger than I have ever seen before. I literally couldn't stand up straight. It was blowing dust and debris in my face, which was making it hard to continue. It was also at this point, near the top of the mountain I had seen at the start, that we saw that far, far into the distance we could see people walking up a different mountain. We then realised that you climb up the first one to get to the foot of Ben Nevis. I died a little inside.

Nonetheless we carried on. I was encouraged by my mom and dad to go on ahead, since they weren't sure they would make it, given how far away we could see the people. I wanted to stay with them, but I also knew we couldn't spend all day walking and I was worried I would have to cut it short.

I made good ground over the new few minutes, getting to the top of the first, now 'little', mountain. I was amazed to see on top it had some kind of lake. I started to walk over to it, the wind still blowing incredibly hard, but the ground got more and more marshy. I decided to wait for my mom and dad so I could show it them and take a photo with them.

I then went off again. From here I could see what I again thought was the top of Ben Nevis. I was overtaking a lot of people, finding little need for a break. I was impressing myself with my walking abilities, though I had started to really need to pee. Along the way I passed a waterfall which was pretty, and got a really nice view over the Scottish Highlands. The terrain changed from being a rocky path to being a horrible rocky path. This encouraged me to hurry up.
The whole way I kept trying to look for mom and dad lower down the mountain, though everybody looked like ants on an ant hill. I was pretty sure that they would have turned around by now since I had again reached what I thought was the top of the mountain, to find that it actually extended much further, and it was a much, much more difficult walk than anticipated. I had already seen many people turn around.

I pushed on, and started to see more and more snow. I had to pass one section that was entirely walking through snow, which was difficult. I again reached what I thought was the top, to have my emotions crushed by seeing it go further. Towards the top there were rock mounds where people were encouraged to leave a stone on. I didn't do this. I felt like going along knocking people rocks off, so it was like they were never there, but that would have been mean.

As this blog post is getting longer than intended, I will skip to them moment that I finally reached the top. It was windy. And cold. The top of the mountain had ruins of an old observatory. It had an engraved stone saying that it was sent all the way from Dudley in the war, which is pretty much where I live. Black country people seem to get everywhere.

I waited my turn to stand on an elevated rock, which essentially made me the highest up person in the whole of UK for a few moments. I felt quite the achievement. I did feel a little more achievement when a few seconds later I had sneaked off to become to highest person peeing in UK.
I started walking back down the mountain, disappointed that I wasn't able to get any good photos of me on top (an average person taking photographs is terrible). About a mile down the hill I was really shocked to find my mom and dad still pushing on. I was certain they had gone back. I was incredibly impressed/proud, and decided to walk back up to the top with them (intentionally not telling them that what they could see as the top actually wasn't close).

We all got to the top, posed for photos, and started back down. I had pretty much no trouble getting up the mountain... but getting down was a nightmare. It was the most painful thing I have done. Each step killed my knees, ankles, and newly formed blisters. I couldn't wait to get down, and it seemed to be taking even longer than getting up there. I won't write any more about it, since it is a moment I want to forget!

At the bottom we celebrated with a meal, and set off to see the Loch Ness.

Vancouver, Canada: My Memoirs

2011-07-31T14:24:00.009+01:00

On the 4th of June, 2011 I went to Vancouver, Canada, the home city of my beautiful girlfriend Brandi. I was excited to go, because staying with someone in a country lets you understand a lot more what the country is actually like. Here are my memoirs:

- Waiting nervously in the airport for my bag, knowing that in a few minutes I will see Brandi again, and also possibly set sent to prison for not declaring a gift worth over $80.

- Waking up at 5am on the first morning and putting on music, then lying in bed cuddling for hours.

- Getting to Brandi's appartment and meeting her family. I was nervous but tried to be outgoing to make them like me.

- Walking around Rocky Point holding hands. Brandi being my Suga Mama and buying me ice cream (but making me ask, leading to an awkward moment trying to pronounce 'praline').

- Meeting a lot of her family at a BBQ just off the beach at White Rock. Playing croquet, then getting so tired I fell asleep on the grass and got sunburned. Later on that day I tried to swim in the pool in her apartment block and the sun burn hurt too much.

- The looks we got from people as we cycled around Stanley Park on a tandem bike. Scaring Brandi as I lead the bike close to posts, then getting so tired I fell asleep on the grass again.

- Walking around Vancouver City, and going into an arcade to show off my Time Crisis 2 skills. Then going to watch a Canucks game at Cactus Club. I am still amazed at how crazy Canadians are for ice hockey.

- Meeting her grandparents at Rivers Edge, then going back to their house and being amazed at how nice their garden is.

- Being a bit nervous about going to meet Brandi's dad, but it all went well. I was trying to meet all her family early on in the week for obvious reasons...

- Hiked up Minnekada with Brandi and Calvin, and saw the beautiful view at the top. Brandi also unintentionally found a geocache on the way down. We were tired on the evening so we made Thai Food and cuddled.

- Going into Gastown, and trying a Japadog. I will never eat seawead on meat again.

- Wandering around Granville island while we wated to go to Theatre Sports, and amazing improvisation comedy club.

- Made snacks to take around Kadie's house, then got a bit too drunk in front of her friends.

- Went to Ucluelet by car and ferry with Brandi, her mom, sister, and brother. We sang in the car and stopped at Coombs Market for huge ice creams, and saw goats on the roof.

- Got to our amazing hotel room, then went out for dinner. I was able to watch UFC at a normal time in a bar with loads of other people watching it. It was a nice change from the 3am, half asleep viewings.

- Went for a hike in the morning while Brandi's mom and sister ran the half marathon We laughed as we kept seeing people take wrong turns on the badly marked road. Along the way we had a competition of who can hold their arm up the longest. It was embarrassing, and Brandi ended up winning.

- We walk along the West Pacific Trail and through the rainforest, all the time I was secretly looking for the perfect place to propose.

- I proposed(!!!) and Brandi said yes(!!!). Then spent the whole day nervous for when we were going to tell her family. Slowly slipped my water as Brandi told her family I proposed.

- Walked around a really interesting marsh, then went to a beach and played with some kind of sea-plant-whip. Then walking along the beach rocks at night and seeing a deer.

- Going into the scary caves where I felt like I could have fallen and died at any moment.

- Met up with a few of Brandi's friends, then when we were going back we walked into a surprise engagement party. It was very nice. The first surprise party I have had.

- Drove to Whistler. When checking into the hotel we found out we had the room upgraded and a bottle of champagne from Kadie.

- All the different fast foods. The horrible Taco Bell Tacos (they must have changed the recipe...), the not very nice soft bun from Wendy's, the very bad McDonalds.

- Went up the Whistler mountain on the gondola, and across the Peak to Peak, the longest free span ropeway, and 436 meters above the ground.

- Trying a completely disgusting Caesar drink. Clamato juice... wtf. It is actually clam and tomato. And spices. Urgh. I rarely leave drinks, but my god.

- Made awesome risotto again. Was equally awesome as the time we made it in England. Got drunk while eating it.

- Went to Monkido, climbing across trees and showing off my strength and agility.

- Eat an awesome, awesome Beaver Tail. The greatest thing I've had.

- Went to see Shannon Falls, a really beautiful waterfall, then spent the entire drive home holding hands. No, seriously. It was a challenge. Especially for Brandi getting in and out the car. My hand had gone wrinkly after.

- Went 6-pin bowling with Brandi's mom and Calvin. I did terrible. Then went for Chinese food with her family and I met her other cousins.

- Went to the Chinese Night Market with her cousins, and was amazed by all the Final Fantasy action figures. Eat a crazy potato that was peeled into one long chip.

- Woke up sad because I was having to leave on the final morning. Went to Brandi's dad's house to say bye.

- Sat in the airport trying not to be too sad. Had a long kiss goodbye.

Keys to our new place

2011-07-29T16:56:00.000+01:00

I've just picked up the keys to the new flat me and Brandi will be staying in. I will slowly move in over the next month, and Brandi will join me in September until the end of the year.

We are on the top floor of that building (from the one big window to the other). The landlord is crazy, and keeps switching from English to Punjabi mid-sentence, so that could get interesting.

My 24th Birthday and Captain Vestman Comic

2011-07-28T14:22:00.001+01:00

On Sunday I turned 24. How old. 24 now officially puts me in my "mid 20's", though I am not as upset about gaining another year as I was last year. Last year I felt like I was ageing too quickly. I was older than I felt I should be. I hadn't done a lot of things that I had wanted to do, and I felt like my chance of doing them was running out.

At the start of 23 I was looking back to when I was in my early teens, and remembering how I thought that by 23 I would be engaged, and starting to settle down. Wanting to settle down at such a 'young age' may sound crazy to a lot of people, but I am very much the settling down type. Though by the start of my 23rd year I felt like that wasn't slightly in sight.

24 feels different. I felt like I got everything out of my system while I was 23 and now I am ready to settle down. I have met the perfect girl, and I am currently looking for a place on my own (well, for both of us), and planning a marriage. I feel a bit older, but at the same time I don't feel like I am getting old. It may help that I haven't been to one of the student clubs for a while, where it always hits me that I am far too old to be there.

Anyway, my birthday was Sunday and it was a lot of fun. I woke up in the morning and went on web cam with Brandi, and opened the presents she had got me. She had wrote me a really nice letter, sent me two really nice tshirts (she has good style) and sent me an amazing framed picture of a Captain Vestman comic she had gotten made.

I then opened my presents from my family. They gave me much needed money, a binary watch (no programmer should be without), a Playstation game, a board game (which we later played that night), headphones (as I was walking around wearing a call-centre style headset before), a big bag of food and sweets, and other things.

Later in the afternoon we went for a family meal, where my nephews all wanted to sit by me (awh). We were going to go to Clent Hills after to fly my kite, but the weather didn't allow us.

All in all 24 shows a lot of potential and although I still plan on living forever, I haven't minded being a year older quite as much as last year.

Car-onell Bluespeed Retires

2011-07-27T18:30:00.000+01:00

On Tuesday 31st May I had my last drive in Caronell Bluespeed, my blue Ford Cougar.

It was a sad moment as I pulled up at my parents and switched it off. I have been through a lot with the car... like getting on Google Street View (a challenge I accidentally succeeded in), getting the annoying parking tickets (and fighting them off), and having my first crash. It was nice driving a manly looking car with Thunder Cats logo's all over it.

Caronell Bluespeed (car-on-ell) was named after Caronell Whitespeed, which in turn was named after Trionell Blackspeed, my computer. When Trionell Blackspeed retires I may write a post about how it got its name.

I do love that car, but it was costing me too much. I need to save money for a house with Brandi, and also the wedding. So with that in mind I downgraded to the new...

Car-onell Blackspeed!

It is £2100 cheaper on insurance, £80 cheaper on tax, and about 1/3 cheaper on petrol. Worth it.+

122 Poplar: My Memoirs

2011-07-24T21:06:00.001+01:00

At the start of June I moved out of my first shared house, and first time living away from home, 122 Poplar Avenue.

- Moving into my first place out of home. Being excited but also a bit sad that I am getting older (though I still will never die).

- First few days getting there, chizzling ice out of the freezer, then cleaning the garden, then me Becca and Tom getting attacked my a massive spider.

- Building the awesome BBQ ready for the summer BBQ parties.

- Bringing the TV outside and having a BBQ to watch the World Cup 2010. It was my first chance to meet lots of people when they came over to watch.

- Amy big spooning me while watching Arre

- For my birthday, having my first proper house party. My house mates bought me a cake with my face on it and some signed boxers (by themselves). I spent the night going aruond with my 'shot gun', giving people shots. We played garden rugby, and Neil passed out under a beanbag outside.

- Attaching a rope around the light, putting an apple in my mouth, pulling my trousers down and pretending to asphyxiwank for when Emily walked in.

- The summer mornings getting woken up by Becca playing Lady GaGa on my computer while fraping me.

- Having a 'smack head' day with Becca, poking the hatch in the garden with a stick, sitting out the front of the house, and watching the ballet while eating McDonalds.

- Amy's leaving party, dressed up as a mime. Slamming Neil through my bed, and Marks big bottle of fish sauce getting smashed on the floor. The smell didn't leave the house for ages.

- Frequently stopping at Karachi Takeaway after a nights out.

- Entering a Dodgeball tournament with the guys in the area.

- Going to Pad Thai and having a private karaoke booth.

- Me, Becca and Tom watching 2 girls 1 cup, and the much, much worse 1 man 1 jar.

- All the nights in Snobs.

- 'Apprentice Wednesdays', with Tom shushing everyone.

- Becca dancing in clubs. Hilarious and embarrassing at once.

- All the amazing house parties.

- The viewings to replace Amy. The girl with "one leg half a millimetre shorter than the other", among others.

- Dress up Monopoly.

- All the big poker games.

- Being able to cycle to work everyday. That was fun, until the rain.

- The last moments as I left my room.

The will most likely be the last time I will live in a house share, which makes me feel sad, but I am looking forward to living with Brandi soon.

Gypsy themed party

2011-07-10T23:00:00.000+01:00

Last night I went to a 'Chavs and Gypsies' themed house party and had to think of a costume. Then I remembered in February my friend spotted this gypsy, wearing the Captain Vestman vest on TV.

I looked like scum.

113) Find 10 geocaches: Part 5 & 6

2011-07-10T13:39:00.002+01:00

Last Sunday (10th July) me, my mom and dad, my sister and my nephews went walking in the fields opposite my house. Mom and dad had decided that since it was a nice day they would get the fishing nets out for the kids, and let them try and catch things in the little steam (and put them back after, of course).

The walk was really nice. In the first field we went through there were two adult horses, with two foals. The foals eagerly ran over and seemed to enjoy being stroked (petted...). We then went through another field of horses, which made me remember something when I was younger. When I was really young my mom had told me one day that you dream about what you did that day. The day that she had told me I remember walking through the fields with my dad, and in the fields were some bulls so I was a bit scared. That night I had a dream that was me and dad walking through the same field of bulls. The memory has always stayed with me.

The next field was also very picturesque, and had a hill, and past it a small stream running through the meadow. Seeing a place this nice made me instantly think about Geocaching (since part of the reason is to take people to places they should see). I pulled out my phone and saw there was a cache only 100m away from me. I called over my dad and told him to follow, while I tried to explain the concept of the game.

The compass took me to a gate underneath trees, in the corner of the field. Now a little bit practised in finding them, I instantly spotted a place ideal to hide the small box. After moving a couple of twigs and a rock I found this Geocache. It contained a few small toys (the kind of you would in a cracker) and the usual pen and paper.

This cache was one in a series that leads up to Clent. I thought that my nephews would really enjoy the 'treasure hunting' game, so I looked for another (that was only another 200m away) and called them over. They were very excited, and quickly set about following the compass.

It took us down a small hill and slightly into an area covered by trees. Again, I instantly spotted where the cache would be hidden, and encouraged my nephews to look, giving them hints that it 'could' be around the big tree.

Charlie was the first to find the Geocache, and looked really excited when he did, and didn't want to let go of the box. They were eager to look inside, and wanted to take the toys, but instead we decided to just leave a 25c coin.

I decided we wouldn't find any more Geocaches that day, but we would come back and find the others in the series another time. Although they really wanted to keep 'treasure hunting', they were quickly distracted as we walked past the golf range, where they were instead on the lookout for rogue balls.

Ps. As as added bonus for reading this far, here is a cow poo shaped like an electric guitar.

My Third Boxing Fight Soon...

2011-07-08T13:23:00.000+01:00

In a few hours I will be stepping into the ring for my third boxing fight. This one is a sold-out charity show, apparently making about £43,000 in ticket sales.
I am a bit less nervous than I was fighting Nigel, because this fight should let me box to my own style hopefully. I am still a bit nervous because I took the fight with fairly short notice (and without much training time due to being in Canada), so my fitness isn't entirely there. On top of it, the guy I'm fighting, for the first time, is heavier than me, and thus heavier-handed than other people I have gone against.

I decided not to have any personal training for this fight, instead adopting my own strategy, so we will see how it goes!
Wish me luck...

113) Find 10 geocaches: Part 4

2011-07-04T13:48:00.000+01:00

As part of my 10 Geocaches I decided I wanted to find one in Canada. I had saved a few coordinates for later on when we were on Vancouver Island, yet this Geocache came early!

On the 8th of June me, Brandi, and her brother Calvin went hiking in a place called 'Minnekada'. The beautiful hike started off with signs warning of bears (which were very common throughout the area, but still amazed me). After a bit of walking we went past a lake, then over some interesting stones and roots.

The hike then got a lot steeper as we headed towards the top, which ended in a beautiful view over the area. When at the top Brandi said that we should have thought about getting some Geocaching coordinates.

On the way back down we decided to take a different route. Eagle-eyed Brandi stopped, lifted up some rocks, and found this Geocache firmly placed in a hole in a tree!

First Rubik's Cube Solved!

2011-06-28T17:47:00.000+01:00

Last year Jon (my boss at Switch) brought in a Rubik's Cube. He was able to complete in in a pretty impressive time, regardless of how much I tried to scramble it. It reminded me of how I used to have Rubik's Cubes, and was never able to complete one.

I decided I shouldn't let it defeat me, and added it to my 100 things to do list. The day I added it to my list, this photo was taken:

With Jon's help I was able to get the bottom layer, and understand the concept of the next few layers. Over a year later, I finally completed my first cube! Now to learn to do it in under 2 minutes...

45) Go to John O'Groats

2011-06-28T14:13:00.001+01:00

As I started to travel more around Europe while I was at University I started to realise how little of England I have seen. It is such a small country with so much variety that I felt like I should have gone more places. For those who are unfamiliar with the UK, John O'Groats is the opposite to Lands End. Lands End to John O'Groats is the furthest two points, the former I had already been to during holidays to Cornwall.

My mom and dad shared this sentiment too, thankfully (as it costs much more in petrol to drive to John O'Groats than to fly to a few European countries). We decided that on the bank holiday, May 6th - May 9th, we will drive up to the furthest point in Scotland.

Along the way we passed though the Lake District. I have never been here before, but I can honestly say it was more beautiful than any place I have seen before. The rolling hills, and small-but-prominent green mountains made the whole area look like a painting.

It was really nice stopping in one small village to get a coffee. They told me that the coffee shop we were in was one that they went to during their honeymoon a long time ago, so I took the opportunity to take a photograph of them outside it. Just around the corner we went into an old fashioned sweetshop and bought sweets that are hard to find now.

We then stopped at another lake only a few miles away where mom surprised many onlookers by feeling the swans with her hand (they aren't overly vicious but many people are scared of them biting their fingers, and apparently they can break bones with their wings).

We were going to stop overnight in Carlisle, but I was quite eager to get to Scotland early in the morning, as Ben Nevis is on the route. I had planned to try and convince my parents to climb Ben Nevis with me, as it is on my 100 things to do list. My mom was really supportive of me, anxious to help me complete my list.

I took over driving in Carlisle as my dad had started to get tired. It was the first time driving my parents car, and they were worried as they think I drive too fast. I think they thought I did okay, even though the annoying Sat Nav kept beeping every time I went a couple of miles over the speed limit.

I eventually arrived at Fort William, the town next to Ben Nevis (and on the way to John O Groats), and thankfully far from Glasgow, which I was less than impressed with. We didn't have anywhere to stay, since it was bank holiday and everywhere was either full or costing too much money, so we put the seats in the back of the car down and slept in there. It was very, very uncomfortable (though not as bad as the boxing day that I slept in the car after getting drunk).

In the morning we woke up early and set off towards Ben Nevis, the highest mountain in UK. I will be posting about climbing Ben Nevis separately, so I won't mention much here.

After Ben Nevis, and a victory meal, with aching feet I drove on towards Loch Ness. I've wanted to see Loch Ness for a while, after seeing a film about it years ago. On the way we stopped the car for a couple of photo opportunities. Most of the route was alongside the sea, which looked amazing with small gates fencing sheep in, with large drops down the cliffs to the sea.

When we got to Loch Ness we drove around the loch, which was huge, and then stopped at the hotel for the night.

In the morning dad took over the driving and drove up to John O'Groats. I was excited to see what it looked like. A while ago I had a dream where I was in Scotland, and I had a vivid image of it being green fields, a small, quiet road, then a cliff with a drop into the water.

We arrived at John O'Groats a few hours later, and after seeing the 'worlds smallest street' (which I didn't understand), and arguing with my dad about which bit you are meant to go to (which I was wrong), we got out of the car and had a look out at the ocean. As you can expect, there wasn't much there, it is more the 'being there', which was very valuable. We had a photo taken next to a sign that had the distance to Lands End, and Halesowen (which they had wrote on for us).

The John O'Groats bit itself I wasn't especially amazed with, but then we drove along this winding road (unusual, as there was nothing stopping it being straight) and stopped the car next to a lighthouse at the tip of the country. This place looked exactly like the place in my dreams. There was a green field, with a white fence stopping to the risk of falling down the cliff into the water. It was a really tranquil place, and it was nice walking along the cliff.

After admiring that area we set off back to Loch Ness, but on the way we went to the most northern point of Scotland, and also a beach just to wander along (as the weather was surprisingly hot).

In the morning we started driving home. We decided to go through the Yorkshire Dales, which was a slight detour but was really nice to see. It has loads of hills, and sheep scattered around with walls made out of piled rocks.

It was a very memorable and enjoyable short break with my family, and I am really grateful that we went.

Birth Whisky: Engaged

2011-06-26T17:15:00.002+01:00

On the 7th of January I ordered my 'Birth Whisky'. This was a whisky that was put in the barrel in the Summer I was born, and matured for 21 years before being bottled. I bought it with the intention of having a small glass at every significant event.

On the 12 of June I got engaged to the beautiful Brandi Vogstad. I had taken some of the whisky with me with the intention of having it when I did, but I decided I wanted to have it at home with my family, thus the delay with the post. There hasn't been a chance to have it, and time is getting on, so while I still feel like I am celebrating the engagement I will have it now. By now, I mean it is next to me while I type this, on a hot summer Sunday afternoon.

Oh wow. That is effing strong!!! My stomach is burning. But it is nice. My stomach is still burning.

Billund, Denmark: My Memoirs

2011-06-21T00:12:00.000+01:00

During a day at University in 2008, I saw a deal on Ryanair to get flights for 1p. I didn't believe this deal, I asked Mike to give me a number, when he did I counted down the list of airports, and landed on 'Billund'. I then booked 4 return flights, 1p each way, for a total of 8p.

In November 2008, Me, Mike, Craig and Adam went to Billund. A place in Denmark that is famous for producing Lego, and having a Legoland (that is closed in November), and nothing else. It was an amazing few days. Here are my memoirs:

- Landing at the airport, realising I hadn't looked at where the hotel was. Laughing at how it was pretty much on the runway, with nothing else even close to it.

- Taking a long walk into town, that pretty much had one supermarket, and no visible pub.

- Turning around and seeing Mike starting to get up, looking around hoping nobody had seen him fall flat. Strapping his wrist up for the rest of the holiday after badly hurting it.

- Those lovely, lovely burgers. What the hell do they put on them!? "We do good pizza, you English, you only eat the burgers".

- Walking through the forest with Craig after buying alcohol. Almost sh*tting myself when I saw some dark figures sitting on a playground in the middle of the woods.

- Climbing over a fence to try and get out of the forest. Walking down a path, then getting confused after seeing a huge Lego block, then another, then realising we had accidentally broken into the Legoland factory part.

- Seeing a man in the factory thing, then walking over while calling to him for a way out. Then realising how much of a Chav I must have looked, tresspassing, while carring a bottle of vodka and shouting.

- Going into a nearby, bigger town. All the girls being ridiculously attractive. Then seeing the scariest man I've ever seen, with a crazy tattoo all down his face.

- The first photograph of Captain Vestman.

- Man games, including Mike setting fire to his sock, where it just spreads across then quickly goes out... I was amazed. Trying to head-butt the top of the door frame... It takes a lot of balls, and Seeing who would have made the best wrestler back in the day... Craig won.

- Rating the pornography playing cards by favourite. Developing an in-depth rating system, by placing poker chips of different value next to which we prefer, then eliminating the lowest each time.

- Trying to dive through the hotel window, then getting told off by a man upstairs.

- Drunkenly going out into the freezing Danish winter topless. All of us doing an acapella with Craig taking the lead.

- Showing my agility by flipping onto the top bunk of the bed (see video) then everyone else trying.

- Craig getting really, really drunk and falling asleep standing against the sink. A few hours later there was a huge bang and he was on the floor, looking like he had been shot.

- Starting to go to sleep. Adam turned the heated floor in the bathroom off, causing Craig to wake up, still really drunk. I opened my eyes to see him stumble out of the bathroom, accidentally run his arm over the table knocking everything off, including an open 2l coke bottle, into Mikes bag.

Engagement; She said Yes!

2011-06-16T21:24:00.000+01:00

I first started talking to Brandi on 20SB in March, 2010. We quickly started speaking for hours and hours, literally every day. She got her first mention (kind of) on my blog in October 2010.

In February this year we decided to meet each other face to face. It could have potentially been the most awkward 3 weeks ever, but instead I instantly loved her loads, so much so that I knew I wanted to spend my whole life with her. Quickly after the holiday I booked a two week vacation to see her in Vancouver, and she had decided she would come to Birmingham in September for a few months.

I would never normally move things this fast, but I had thought there is no point waiting if I know exactly what I want. I knew I wanted to propose, but couldn't decide whether I should do it when she comes to see me in England, or when I go to see her in Vancouver. All I knew is that I did want to do it.

I decided that since I'd planned on doing it regardless, I wanted to do it in her country, so she could celebrate with friends and family, instead of having to just make a phone call. I could live with having people think that I might have rushed it too much, if it meant that it would make things more perfect for her.

On the 4th of June I flew to Vancouver, with the ring in my bag. I knew exactly how I would propose, and that I would do it at the start of the second week of being there. We had planned to spend that weekend at Ucluelet, on Vancouver Island, a stunningly beautiful part of British Columbia.

On Sunday afternoon we hiked along a forest path, that followed a cliff overlooking the sea. I scouted the perfect spot. I had gotten a bit worried, since there were loads of nice views, but none of them were exactly how I pictured, until one spot. The picture doesn't really do it justice. I think I was too nervous to take a good one.

On mine and Brandi's first date we went Geocaching, so I told her that I had read that there was a Geocache in that location. While she went looking for it I quickly placed a box near a bench. I called her over and said I remembered it was meant to be near a bench, and waited for her to look.

She found the box instantly, and I became really, nervous. She gave me the box to open. I took the lid off the box, revealing a ring box. She didn't look like she had clue'd in yet, until I got down on one knee, revealing the ring, and asked her to marry me.

She looked really shocked, but I could tell she was happy, so I was relieved, though still eager to hear her answer. The 'yes' eventually came. We hugged and kissed for ages, until another couple came along who I asked to take a photo for us.

You can see the ring box on the bench.

And of course... Captain Vestman was present.

When I get home I will crack open the Birth Whiskey for my first taste.

Brazil, Buzuis & Sao Paulo: My Memoirs, Part III

2011-06-06T15:10:00.000+01:00

In March I went to Brazil. After an amazing time in the Amazon, we spent a few days in Buzious, before moving on to Rio De Janerio. We then stayed in Sao Paulo for a couple of nights ready for our flight home. I have combined the Buzious and Sao Paulo as they were short stays. Here are my memoirs.

Buzious

- Wandering around Buzious, a beautiful 'beach paradise' town, and not being able to pronounce it the entire holiday.

- Waking up early to go and kayak in the Buzious sea.

- Walking from beach to beach by climbing along the rocks. Going for the one epic walk around the side, including a 4ft jump (up about 1ft) with a huge drop into rocks and rough sea. Then jumping on a cactus and getting needles deep in my foot.

- Trying to climb up the hill but the grass got higher than my head and I had to eventually turn around in fear of being bitten by a snake.

- Meeting two Israli guys and two Argentinian girls, and having a good night drinking in Buzious with them and talking to the Israli guy for a while about his opinion of Palestinians.

- Completing 80 on my 100 things to do list, build a big card tower.

- Nobody in the entire country realising that I didn't speak Portugese, so would instead just talk louder and faster. Now I know how it feels.

Sao Paulo

- Arriving in Sao Paulo, and after struggling with the language for nearly two weeks without any help, two people jumped to our aid to direct us around the unground, helping with tickets and stuff. Nice people.

- Thinking the one guy was possibly gay, but then he completely out of place put in that he has a girlfriend. I realised that he must think that WE were the gay ones, so I quickly, out of place, said that I had one too.

- Sao Paulo being ridiculously built up. Even the outskirts that we were in had huge towers every block.

- Going to an 'English Pub' (complete with a red phone box entrance) in Sao Paulo, that actually closed at 7. They have no idea about English Pubs.

- Having an Argentinian steak, and trying to explain how I wanted it cooked, using my fingers. It came out and was perfect, and a huge slab of meat.

I'm Flying to Brandi

2011-06-04T18:00:00.000+01:00

I am currently on a flight to Vancouver in Canada to see Brandi. I can't wait!! Eeep! It will be the best two weeks ever.

I had planned to fly over and stay in August, but I am incapable of being away from her for that long, so I pushed it forward to June, and I am very excited!

I shall make the usual memoirs post.

This is us when she came over in February.

Brazil, Rio De Janeiro: My Memoirs, Part II

2011-06-01T13:56:00.002+01:00

In March I went to Brazil. After going to the Amazon we set off to Buzious for a couple of days before going to Rio De Janeiro, and onwards to Sao Paulo. Here are my memoirs.

- Getting to the train station and trying to find a bus to Copacabana. All the Brazilian people kept saying things in Portuguese and I couldn't understand where to go. A really nice guy selling lollipops, wearing a hat with a propeller on it helped me find which bus I needed.

- Finding the really, really cheap food place on arrival, and finding out it was actually nice. Especially the crazy black beans.

- Having a wander around Copacabana. Walking along the beach, then looking between two tall hotels and seeing the Christ The Redeemer statue towering above the city, between the clouds. Walking a bit further along and seeing some favellas between two hotels. Such amazing sights.

- Jogging along Copacabana beach to complete 7 on my 100 things to do list.

- Walking along the two main beaches hoping to get a better photo of the Favellas, which just seemed to be becoming a worse and worse photo.

- Going out with Gemma, Bruno and Jas, Irish bar. Taking the tube on the way, but everybody going on the wrong escalator, and trying to run back up to the top. After getting to the top I watched everyone looking like they were sprinting on the spot. Gemma got ahead of the crowd, but fell just before the top, and without giving up hope, tried crawling up the steps... then eventually giving up.

- Getting tickets, or 'commanders' in the bars, and the staff marking off what drink you've had, so you pay at the end. I was terrified of losing it.

- The Irish bar. Bruno turning crazy for a few moments and telling everyone we were going to get killed by the Brazilians. Andy buying me a shot, before I knew what was happening the bar staff were ringing a bell until I drank it. Talking to a guy in the toilets using my best Portuguese, as he nodded... only to later find out he was from New York and had no idea what I was doing.

- Doing capoiera with Bruno in the streets. That guy could move.

- Searching the streets at 4:30am looking for a burger.

- Going to see Christ the Redeemer. Getting there at 2pm, but having tickets for 5:30pm. Having a beautiful view of Rio lit up at night, then suddenly being hit by tiredness and being unable to do anything.

- Swimming in the sea and getting owned by every wave. Such big, strong waves!

- Going to the really good Samba club in Lapa. Being amazed at how many people are partying in the streets. Watching the musicians play, then having a bit of a dance.

Bloomex: The War of the Tulips

2011-05-31T15:51:00.000+01:00

On May the 7th it was Brandi's birthday. I decided to try and be a good boyfriend and have her favourite flowers, tulips, to be delivered along with some chocolates. I arranged for this in mid-April, paying extra for morning delivery before 12pm. I won't go far into it, as you can get the whole story from the following emails between me and BloomEx.

It is a story of tragedy and comedy. They start of serious, but then get more amusing towards the end.

May 7th
Hello,

I had paid extra for this to get delivered on the morning, as I knew that at 12pm they would need to be going out. It is now 12:30, and I am having to try and convince her to stay in the house and wait, obviously being able to say why. Why has it not yet been delivered, and when can I expect it will be? And will I receive my money back for the morning delivery I didn't get?

I had tried to call directly, to get a quicker answer (as due to the nature of this email, an instance response is needed), but after navigating the menus I was just told to leave a message.

Andy

May 7th
Hello,

It has now been an hour and a half since the latest it was meant to be delivered, and an hour since my email, and there is still no response. Can you please respond ASAP.

Andy

[after trying their helpline and finding out it doesn't let you speak to a representative, I ended up calling the sales line, who updated it to say it wasn't delivered.>

May 8th
Hello,

This is not acceptable at all. Not only did I pay extra to get the flowers delivered at a certain time which wasn't honoured, the flowers haven't been delivered at all. I am left looking like I have forgot a birthday, when really I placed the order weeks ago. What do you plan to do about it?

Andy

May 9th

Thank you for your order. We have received your claim of non delivery. We have placed a trace on your order and will follow up with our production facility. IF your order still has not been delivered as of Monday May 9th. Please respond via email to wecare@bloomex.ca or at 1-888-912-5666.Thank you.Management.ab

May 10th

I have just been informed that the flowers have now been delivered. Not only were they two days late (making sending birthday flowers pointless...) they didn't even have the message on them that I wrote. What's worse... on the phone when I said "i remember you said tulips were your favorite", I had the reply "yeah, but these aren't tulips".

This is completely out of order. I paid for a specific delivery time, on a specific day, with a specific message, and a specific bouquet of flowers. Instead I just got some type of flowers sent on some day, that could have been from anyone. It has made me look really bad, and I regret ever placing an order with your company. I thought having to put up with the long.distance would be made easier if I found a flower company to user every so often.

I also haven't had any email response to the ones I have sent, and was only able to get the order updated as not delivered by calling your sales line.

What do you plan to do about it?

Andy

May 10th

We attempted delivery, but recipient was not available. Your order was returned. Please advise of a new delivery address in order to send it out. Sincerely,Bloomex Management Mg

May 10th

From this it appears you aren't reading any of my emails. I will paste the last ones I have sent you:

[Pasted all emails so far]

May 10th

Thank you for your message.We apologize that the product did not meet your expectations. We will resent your order out FREE of extra charge as a token of our appreciation. Thank you, Management.ab

May 10th

Thank you for your reply.

I hope you understand, it isn't that the product didn't meet expectations, it didn't meet the the advertised description. I paid for tulips, with a note, with morning delivery on Saturday. I received another type of flower, without a note, on a Monday. As I am sure you are aware, flowers are usually bought as a gift to celebrate a day or event. Delivering the flowers now is useless to me as it is no longer her birthday. I have had enough hassle trying to call and email, and trying to get her to stay in after the delivery time for possible lateness, so I would just like a refund for the products and services I didn't receive as promised, and no longer require.

May 11th

Dear Andy

Thank you for feedback on the product received. We apologize that the

product did not meet your expectations.. Records indicate that the product

that was ordered was sent out. You have claimed the product you order is not

what was received

At Bloomex we are committed to customer satisfaction. We will send a new

order FREE OF CHARGE.

Thank you for choosing Bloomex. You are a valued customer to our company

and we look forward to serving you again soon.

Sincerely,

Bloomex Management

May 11th

Hi,

How do I place a new order, free of charge? What are the rules surrounding it?

Thank you,

Andy

May 11th

A resend will be processed. Bloomex Management Mg

May 11th

You have already sent some flowers once, incorrectly. Not only will I seem like I forgot her birthday originally, I will then seem weird for sending her two lots. I do not require the same order again, I would either like a new order (our at least be able to send them in june), or a refund.

May 11th

I have just received pictures of the flowers, and I am pretty shocked. They look close to death already. Most are wilting and shrivelled up, and they are most certainly not the tulips I ordered.

As you can see, you would not want to receive these flowers, much less be the person to have them sent. And what's worse, they aren't even the product I ordered. I am insulted that they were even sent under my name.

I would like a refund please.

May 12th

Dear Customer, thank you for your business with Bloomex. Your order was delivered on the 11th of May. We sincerely thank you for your order and we will be pleased to serve you soon again, thanks, Bloomex.

May 12th

I can't tell if this is some sort of practical joke or not. I didn't ask for you to send any more flowers, I just wanted a refund. I most certainly didn't want you to send her the wrong flowers (again).

So now I look a bit like a psycho. First it appears I forgot her birthday. Then it looks like I am giving some sort of subtle threat sending her dead flowers. Now it seems I am testing her motherly instinct by sending her unblossomed flowers that she didn't want, to raise as her own.

They appear to be some kind of lily, and I know nothing about flowers (apparently we aren't so different). I'm half expecting to find out that I've made a mistake here, and instead of pressing 'tulips' I clicked an "I'm feeling lucky" button.

Please process a refund. And don't worry about apologising about them not being up to my expectations... my expectations are pretty low at the moment.

Thanks.

Andy

Ps. Here is a picture of the new flowers.

May 12th

Dear Andy,

Your order has been resent to your recipient with fresh flowers.Unfortunately we can not take further actions on this case.Thank you.Management.ab

May 12th

You obviously didn't read my last email. MY order hasn't been resent. An order you imagined up has been resent. I asked for tulips. I didn't receive tulips. You can send as many roses, lilies, daisies, poison ivy, or whatever you want... it won't mean that MY order has been sent. If you ordered the Bible from Amazon, and they sent you a Quran, and you complained that you didn't receive what you want... and then they send you the 'Customer Service For Dummies' book (albeit, FREE of charge as a token of their appreciation), would you count that order as closed?

You can send me as many flowers as you want** but it doesn't change the fact that I ordered Tulips, for morning delivery. I didn't receive tulips, on a morning.

Please process a refund. I will not be easily deterred with single-sentence template replies.

Andy

**but please please don't

May 13th

Dear Andy,

Our records show that your order was delivered on May 11th at 6:15pm and signed for by Brandi.

Bloomex Management. lmc

May 13th

Ah awesome. Is that your records, or was it the email I just showed you? There is no debate over whether it was delivered. You delivered the wrong product. I still haven't received my tulips. I do very much like tulips, and you are being very withholding of them. Have the stock price of tulips gone up? Are you expecting a tulips rush during the spring so you are holding onto them tightly, and hoping your other customers will think lilies are tulips? That seems very selfish.

So just out of interest, what went through the mind of the person who gave me the lilies? Did they decide, based on my note, that tulips weren't the best flower to match the occasion? I really have to disagree with the lilies. I thought they were for funerals (which would mean that both flowers you sent refer to death). If they genuinely were offering their expertise in helping me decide on a flower, then thank you... but I really would like my tulips.

At first I thought I misunderstood the situation, and maybe you felt so guilty about forgetting to deliver the flowers, the ones you sent after were a way of saying sorry. And then because you still hadn't sent any, you sent some more as a further apology.

Also, I don't think Brandi actually signed anything? If you can prove she has signed for tulips, then I will drop the case.

Now. Please give me a refund.

With love,

Andy

May 17th

Hi,

Now you have had time to think about what you have done, have you decided to either fulfil my ACTUAL order, or to refund me the money? I am still eager to point out that I didn't at any point purchase lilies or any other flower, only tulips. Tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips (repeated both for effect, and hopefully it might stick in your head).

Please let me know asap whether you will be sending tulips (tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips) or refunding my money.

Yours sincerely,

Andy

tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips tulips.

May 17th

Our records show that your order was re-delivered on May 11th at 6:15pm and signed for by Brandi. We have confirmed that we sent tulips, as they were in stock at that time. No further action can be taken in this case. We apologize for the inconvenience. Bloomex Management. mr

May 17th

Actually,

I ordered this:

And I got this

Now this is my face:

And this is how I picture you:

I had drawn a cage full of tulips behind you, but you stood in front of it so it can't be seen.

The website says your 'experts' should be able to tell you whether the top two photos are the same thing. After their intense research and debate, can I have my tulips or a refund please?

Thanks,

Andy

May 19th

Hi,

Just checking to see if there has been an update on whether your experts have decided if there is a difference between the picture of the tulips and the picture of the lilies. I am more than happy to offer my assistance if needed?

Can I have a refund or the tulips please?

Thank you,

May 20th

Dear Andy, thank you for your business with Bloomex. Your order was delivered on the 19th of May. We sincerely thank you for your order and we will be pleased to serve you soon again, thanks, Bloomex.

May 19th
I've just been informed that the tulips were delivered, and are very nice. Possibly the best tulips I have seen, though that may be due to the exciting, tense build up to getting them.

Thanks,

Andy

So, 12 days, 26 emails, 3 bouquets of flowers, and 2 boxes of chocolates later, Brandi finally received her tulips. Woo! Just goes to show, persistence is important!

Brazil, Manaus (Amazonia): My Memoirs, Part I

2011-05-25T23:13:00.001+01:00

Last year a friend called me about booking flights to Brazil. It's been quite a long time since I've been to a far away country, with a beach, and it was a good price so I was really up for it!

We had planned to go to 3 main areas; Manuas, Rio de Janeiro, and Sao Paulo.
Manaus is deep into Amazonia, so I was looking forward to this most. I had hoped to cross 'Go into the Amazon' off my list, but after getting there I quickly realised that to cross off what I would count as 'going into the Amazon' would take a holiday in itself. Nonetheless, it was amazingly beautiful (pun).

Here are my Manaus memoirs:

- The 27 hours travel from my house to the hostel. It actually went fairly quickly. The long walk around the Frankfurt airport, and confusion as to what the little underground doors are.

- Being taught how to play Rummy by Andy, then getting a 'Rummy' in my first game, while losing 98-20 or something.

- The epic rain when arriving in the rain forest. I suppose it is in the name, but floods were over a foot high!

- Being the first customers in the Manaus Big Bob's, and having my Big Bob Burger brought over buy a guy called Bob. We then went on to eat a Big Bobs almost every day, in almost every place.

- Everywhere in Manaus looking like it was war-torn, with burnt out buildings (I think it was actually just rain damage).

- Having a wander around Manaus, watching Brazillian children play football. They were better than most adults I've seen.

- Playing Pokemon White, lots, and lots, and lots.

- Touching my first tree in the Amazon after going up the River Negro on a boat trip, then awkwardly dancing with some Native Indians.

- Seeing the Native Americans village, and it reminding me exactly of Hugo's House of Horrors 3 (and the great memories of me and my mom playing it).

- Swimming with pink dolphins. Accidentally kicking them thinking it was the steps to get back up to the platform.

- Hugging a baby sloth, and how cute it looked up at me and blinked slowly, then wouldn't let go of the vest (that's right, I was wearing the vest).

- Having my photo taken next to a huge anaconda.

- Walking alongside monkeys and crocodiles (or whatever the Amazon version is), and seeing the amazingly beautiful place with the huge lilly pad things.

- Seeing the 'meeting of the waters', where the cold, fast, clear Amazon meets the slow, warm, black River Negro, and because of the differences they don't merge. You can literally feel it go from hot to cold in a second.

- Wishing I hadn't eaten any food cooked on a floating house.

- Climbing the 100ft tree and getting a beautiful view of the tree tops.

- Talking to lots of Brazillians about UFC.

- Meeting a German guy and an Australian guy, and talking to them all evening. The German guy's apartment is being used for a German reality TV program while he is away. How interesting!

- Getting absolutely owned by mosquitoes. I really had never been bitten until Brazil, yet the number of bites brought horror to the faces of even the Brazillian people.

- The breathtaking views of the 'flooded forest', with the trees being perfectly reflected in the water.

Over the next few weeks I will put the memoirs of the rest of my holiday.

My Second Boxing Fight

2011-05-17T21:14:00.000+01:00

Here are the good pictures from my second fight. I can't remember what the score was, but I drew. I felt a bit disappointed because I felt like I should have won it. Towards the end I had a decent point difference, but was aware of it so I went on the defensive to maintain it, instead of continuing doing what I did to get it.

Before the fight I didn't feel too confident. I felt like I hadn't eaten enough, so didn't have enough energy, and I felt like I didn't warm up enough before. It has taught me a lot for the next fight.

There is a video at the bottom.

Last minute talk.

That low left hand. Looking to pick a shot.

For some reason I decided to go for a Floyd Mayweather guard. No idea why. Haven't done it before.

I don't remember what he said.

Trying to keep my cool.

Superman!

Hopefully this was a right hook.

If in doubt, resort to wrestling.

Loading up.

Super dooper double punch!

I'm pretty sure this went right through his head. Hax.

My poor ribs. I was actually worried he was going to break them a few days before I fly to Brazil (probably because everyone told me he would).

Me getting hit. Sadface.

Jabba jabba!

Fight photo with the sponsor. He looks pimp.

And here is the video:

My entrance was the oldschool Batman theme, and in the video you can hear my mom saying that she doesn't like me boxing haha.

Second Boxing Fight: The Outtakes

2011-05-09T15:38:00.000+01:00

... Because it's hard to get punched in the face and not look like an idiot.

Mooowwwwahhhhh.

Mmmmm... nice hand.

Double knockout.

Look at his nose.

Because sometimes you just need a cuddle.

Inevitable fail.

Nom nom, glove.

I'll put the good pictures, and possibly video on soon.

113) Find 10 geocaches: Part 2 & 3

2011-05-03T11:00:00.000+01:00

If you want to read about what Geocaching is (and if you don't know I highly recommend it), you can read my first post about it here...

Part 2: Clent with Brandi

As part of mine and Brandi's first date, we went for a walk to Clent Hills. I love geocaching because it gives you a bit more of a purpose than just wandering aimlessly, and then you are happy when you find one.

We first tried to find one on the way to Clent. We walked to the location the GPS took us, but then I didn't have internet so we searched around the bushes for a while but with no success. Eventually I managed to get the internet and looked at more details about the Geocache, to find that it wasn't actually in that area, but the clues on the page will direct you from there. Annoying! We decided to move on.

When properly in Clent, the new GPS coorinates took us to the top of a hill. It was tiring. The clues on the Geocache page said to stand by the gate and look ahead, and it will be under a tree. We searched all the trees and I couldn't find anything. I was silently about to give up, until I heard Brandi call over saying she found it. She said it without the enthusiasm I would have expected, so I wasn't sure if she was lying or not... but she wasn't.

The Geocache was under some roots, a little way away from the tree. We signed the paper and started to walk back. A small distance from the hill we saw a rainbow literally ending a few meters ahead of us in the next field. It was amazing. Something I wouldn't have seen if I wasn't up there Geocaching. It reminded me a lot of when I saw the rain cloud start just in front of me last time.

This is the Geocache we found.

Part 3: Clent with Dan

I decided to introduce Geocaching to Dan. Dan is a guy that I was at Uni, but didn't know him until we were placed in the same job for our sandwich year. He is an absolute legend. We are kind of different, but in a way that compliments each others personality. If it was wrestling, he would be my tag team partner.

Now it is the Spring, Clent looks a lot nicer, and is a lot warmer than it was, so I decided to take a few pictures. I think the place is really nice, and a perfect spot just outside my house to Geocache.

I first took Dan to the place me and Brandi found ours, just so he knows what kind of thing he is looking for. Then we walked down a hill, into a forest and started looking for this Geocache.

It didn't take us too long to find it in a little hole underneath a 'tree with 8 trunks'. We dug it out and signed it.

Since we were so successful we decided to try and look for another. This one looked harder, since it had no added information, just the coordinate. We failed pretty hard! But, still, a great success overall, and he has said he wants to do it again.

Well I didn't expect this chapter...

2011-04-24T22:43:00.002+01:00

The Thirsty Yogi and the Greatest Yogi-Related Quote

2011-04-20T13:55:00.000+01:00

There is an Indian man (a 'yogi') who claims to have not eaten or drank in over 70 years. This could seem like a bit of BS to everybody, but in 2003 a hospital convinced him to go in for 10 days to be monitored. Apparently in this time he didn't eat or drink anything. 10 days without drinking will kill anyone, yet he didn't have the slightest health problem.

A few years later he was monitored again, this time for 2 weeks. In this time it was found, again, that he didn't once eat or drink, and was baffling all the doctors. Thankfully, he offered up his own explanation, "I get the elixir of life from the hole in my palate, which enables me to go without food and water". Cheers for that, now be quiet and let the big grown up doctors carry on with their research.

Anyway, one of the researchers, a Dr. Michael Van Rooyen, who's an emergency physician at Harvard's Brigham and Women's Hospital, an associate professor at the medical school, and the director of the Harvard Humanitarian Initiative, struggled to believe it. This professional, educated, white-coat-wearing doctor said:

"You can hold a lot of water in those yogi beards. A sneaky yogi for certain,"

What a legend. 'A sneaky yogi'. Just goes to show... you can lead a Yogi to water, but you can't make him drink.

References:
http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/05/10/4380027-70-years-without-eating-starving-yogi-says-its-true

http://eslkevin.wordpress.com/2010/04/28/man-doesnt-eat-for-70-years-scientists-around-the-world-are-interested-and-we-should-too/

Life without a phone

2011-04-19T14:30:00.002+01:00

Recently my phone broke. I am more than happy to admit that I am a lost shell of a man without my phone, but I am shocked with just how bad things can be.
On Friday I went to London to see Neil (he is one of my best friends, who despite moving to London may get a post dedicated to him at some point). The first problem was that I didn't know how to arrange to meet him. In the dying seconds of my backup phone battery, I text him saying when and where I will be arriving. I got to Marylebone station and waited, to no avail. I was already picturing myself sleeping in the station, one eye on my bag containing my Playstation 3, and fighting off the security as they tried to drag me out. I tried turning my phone on, hoping my suffering had encouraged it to work long enough to call him. Thankfully it did! Problem averted.

On Saturday morning we set off on an epic quest to get my PS3 and Phone fixed, in opposite sides of London. I won't get into the epic journey, and about the boy who broke my Playstation, but I will say that weekend service on the tubes are terrible. Even if you write down where you want to go you will end up having to go somewhere entirely different and walk. And my phone is my map. And I had no phone. We wandered around a part of east London, up and down a very long road too many times for me to enjoy. Eventually we found it using maps on the side of bus stops. How degrading.

While in London I was hoping to meet my favourite blogger friend, though I had no way of contacting her, so this too had to be postponed.
Later on the night we were going to my old housemates new house warming party. Getting there was painful enough (as I said, weekend service on tubes) but we found a route we could take that only made a few changes. We sat on the tube as it went to a couple of places, and then it stopped... for ages. A voice on the speakers said that someone has "taken ill" at one of the stations so there is a delay. We sat quietly as a homeless man with bandaged feet asked for money, saying he was an ex-serviceman. I don't think I believed him, but Neil gave him a pound anyway. The voice on the speakers said they strongly advised finding alternative transport, so we got off.

Apparently the person who had 'taken ill' had actually fell in front of the train. I hope I never 'take ill' like that.

I asked a friendly policeman directions to the part of Camden we wanted. He taunted me by whipping out his phone and showing me the map. On the way we befriended a crazy looking youth who happened to be going to the same area and was also lost. A few minutes of small talk later and he left us as we pinpointed the house we wanted. Looking up and down the street, I asked Neil what the road name and house number was. He looked at me horrified, as he expected I wrote that bit down, as he was just writing down the tube directions to get there.

I died a little inside.

Suddenly the world seemed dangerous, as I stood clutching my Playstation 3, iPod, DS, games, 2 bottles of alcohol, 3 phones and camera. I don't usually carry this much, I just had to get things repaired, and wanted backup things to do on the train. But now everyone wanted to steal it. A guy cycled past wearing a mask over his mouth. We stood around for about 45 minutes trying to work out what we could do. Using Neils phone I tried phoning Leigh, Joe, my sister, and other numbers I could remember, but to no avail. Neil looked like he had lost the will to live.

Then I remembered the phone battery trick! I always thought it was a myth, but at this point I would do anything to avoid having to spend the night on the streets of London, and inevitably have to whore myself out to get home. I took out my phone battery and gave it a little rub, placed it back in, and it worked!! I had just enough time to take 4 numbers off my phone and start calling them until someone was able to help me.

The party was good, except at the end I was lying on the bathroom floor in my boxers being sick. I didn't expect to wake up for my 10am coach home, and when I actually did I was still incredibly drunk and walking like I'd just won £10 on the lottery.

I can guarantee the whole weekend would have gone so much better if I had my phone. Saturday night would have ended with everybody sitting around a table, sharing anecdotes about business and other things that make you successful... instead of people asking who blocked their sink.

Death from Laughter

2011-04-18T12:07:00.000+01:00

"In the third century B.C., the Greek stoic philosopher Chrysippus died of laughter after giving his donkey wine, then seeing it attempt to feed on figs"

He looks like the most serious Greek I have seen! I can't imagine him, a respected philosopher, paving the way for all future thought, would get a donkey drunk and watch him eat figs. And then find it funny enough to die.

Maybe the sculptor had just met him on a bad day. Or maybe he was jokingly pulling his 'serious look', while bursting into laughter every few seconds. Looks like you can't judge a bust by its cover*.

*I know that doesn't make sense. I was just trying to be clever.

7) Go jogging in a foreign country

2011-04-16T01:31:00.000+01:00

People have commented that certain items on my list are easier than others. I am in foreign countries quite often (thanks to cheap flights) so going jogging shouldn't be too hard. The thing is, the completion of each item on the list needs to be memorable, or special in some way. I had always thought that I would complete this in New York, but when I got to Copacabana Beach, and saw the path for joggers all around the bay, I decided I had to do it there.

I took three days preparing. Each morning I would wake up, realise I still felt tired from the night before, and decide tomorrow would be better. By preparing I hope you didn't think I meant training.

The day finally came. I put on the vest, left the hostel at about 10am and walked to Copacabana Beach (didn't want to tire myself before I can actually see the sea, of course). I got to the beach, walked onto the jogging path, and starting running on the wrong (right) side (silly every country in the world other than England, Australia, and a few others).

Just like every other jog I start, after about 30 seconds I wanted to stop, though knew I couldn't. I just tried to listen to my music, watch the people going past, and think about nothing else. In the distance I could see the end of Copacabana, as it curves perfectly so you can always see the whole front.

The jog itself was fairly uneventful, so I won't dedicate much time to it. My headphones fell out a couple of times, my shoulder started to hurt, and I thought I was running a little bit like a gimp, but it was okay.

When I got to the end of the beach I sat on a sea wall watching Brazillian fishermen. It felt serene. I had my legs dangling over the water (though holding on so I didn't fall off the wall into the violent waves) and sat thinking about everything. This blog isn't really a place where I write my moans and emotions, so I will just leave it as 'I was thinking deeply about everything', while watching the whole of Copacabana go about its business.

Something snapped me out of my thoughts, as out of the corner of my eye I could see the man next to me tipping water out of his bottle, onto the rocks. This annoyed me a little bit, I didn't want to carry water, so I was quite thirsty, plus its expensive... and here he is just tipping his away. I looked across to see why he was doing it, and weirdly he wasn't. He had both hands on his fishing rod, standing there looking ahead. What confused me more is that he was still tipping water. As my head slowly tilted down I was shocked to see that this nice fisherman was standing, penis out, no handed peeing onto the rocks. I was shocked. I have seen men pee before, but no handed, in public, while fishing? This man was a master. A dirty, filthy master. I no longer wanted a drink.

I got up and started to walk to the beach. I passed a TV crew filming some acting. I think it was quite a popular program since there were a lot of crew and people watching.

The side of the beach I was on seemed mainly reserved for sports, so there wasn't many people around. I walked down to the sea and sat down. The waves were about 30cm from my feet, on a tide that doesn't visibly ever go in or out, though occasionally shocked you by going much further up than it looks. I started to think again, and somewhat meditate. I don't know what meditating is, so I can only guess what I was doing was meditating. I didn't really have my legs crossed and hands out, and I wasn't making 'mmmm' noises, but I was picturing myself on a desert island, thinking what I would do. I felt happy on my desert island, and I was picking fruit, and adding things to my house made of wood, and looking at animals in the trees.

I am too reliant on people, in that I like to try and have a lot of friends, and get sad if they don't seem bothered about me... but when I was thinking about being on the desert island I felt like I didn't really need anyone, and that I am quite happy in my own company. This was progress.

I woke up a while later. I'm not sure at which point I fell asleep, and I hope however I did it it didn't look silly to the people walking past, who I will never see again. I got up and walked back to the hostel.

When I got back I got changed. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was still wearing a vest, though this vest was permanently sunburned onto my skin. When I left in the morning it didn't seem sunny enough to use any sunblock, but it must have sneaked out while I slept. Not only did I have a vest sunburn (which I think shows me dedication to Captain Vestman), I also had a bright red face, minus a prominent white curl on my forehead that must have blocked out a spiral of sun. It was embarrassing. Many people commented.

The jog felt quite memorable, mainly for the 'soul searching', peeing and sunburn... so I am quite happy to cross number 7 off my list!

80) Build a card tower with 4 on the bottom

2011-04-08T14:14:00.000+01:00

Sitting in a hostel in Buzios, a small town on the coast of Brazil, wearing a mosquito repelling jungle shirt, I sat talking to two Israeli guys and two Argentinian girls. I say talking to, I can't speak Spanish, so half of the conversation is missed unless important enough to have translated. I generally became fidgety from the heat, and started playing with cards.

I have never been able to stack cards. It hadn't ever been an issue until I realised this fact. Since then I have felt like a disabled child when sat around other people stacking cards. I first realised I couldn't do it in college. We were sat around a table, obviously bored with any game we had started playing and started stacking cards. I was able to stack two next to each other but any more knocked them over. My friends were able to build towering fortresses, two cards high. One person wowed everyone with a monstrous 3 card high tower. I was in silent envy.

Over the years, the envy manifested, and I no longer talk to this person. I think it's because of the cards.

Anyway, without even thinking of number 80 on my list, I stacked two cards. "That was incredibly easy", I thought to myself. So impressed with my feat, I took a photo.

It didn't just stop there. I stacked two next to it. I wasn't overly confident in my abilities so I immediately stacked one on top before they fell. I have never been so pleased.

Then something flicked in my mind. My list! Number 80! I have to build one with 4 on the bottom. I didn't want to let myself get too excited with the thought though. The only reason I added this to my list is because when I am old, and all items are completed, I didn't want to be lost in a world of nothing more to do. There would always be this one thing that was always just out of reach.

Keeping the thought only in the back of my mind I continued stacking, learning new techniques along the way. Four along the bottom happened pretty quickly, the three on top were painless, though my hand shook as I placed the two above. My stacking was enjoyed by one of the Israeli guys (who I suspect looked on with envy, and who probably won't be speaking to me anymore...).

I was so close. Suddenly everybody became an enemy. It would only take one bang of the table, or a hapless blow, and my dreams would be crushed. Keeping one eye firmly fixed on the surrounding travellers, and one on the tower (I had to position myself so that they were the other side of the tower, or I would have quickly got a headache...) I stacked the last card!!

I was very pleased with myself. But why stop there? I was a card stacking machine. Nobody could stop me. I had already considered buying tickets to Japan to help rebuild the tsunami damaged buildings with packs of London playing cards (bought from Birmingham Airport...). I kept stacking, and stacking...

I never dreamed I would beat the 4 base with a 5 base! I was getting irresponsible now, I felt I should take the cards down, in risk of card damage to the table and surrounding areas if anything should make it fall. I looked down and saw a small pile of remaining cards. I started thinking about how the world would be if Newton decided to stop after just two laws. Every action would no longer have an equal and opposite reaction. Nasty people would be able to walk around punching nice people, and they wouldn't have to be worried about someone punching them back. Thankfully, Newton didn't quit, and neither can I. I kept stacking...

Success. I had not only completed item 80, but I had completed the fictional 80.5, build a card tower using every card in the pack! I almost never want to get married and have children, to avoid the awkwardness of when people ask "what is the happiest moment of your life", and I have to pretend I just didn't think they meant including those 'obvious ones'.

Annoyingly, there are only 52 cards in a pack, and not 57, but this wasn't the time to nit-pick and moan about the lack of a 5th, much smaller card suit (though, if it were to exist it should be a vest - life would be awesome if you can win a poker hand with the Ace of Vest).

Right now I am having my second boxing fight

2011-03-18T19:00:00.021Z

Well actually, right now I am pacing around the dressing room, shadow boxing and getting in the zone, ready to walk out for the co-headlining fight. I am also f*cking bricking it.

In case you haven't guessed, this post has been pre-written, and scheduled for when the fight starts. I am fighting a guy at my gym who is seen by me, and a lot of others as being the best boxer there in our weight class. 5 months ago I was eager to go against him, to show that I can be the best, but after sparring him more and more I think he can outbox me. I am most worried not about losing, but about being made to look shit in front of hundreds of people.

As your blog-reading people won't be there to see the fight, here is a video of me sparring 3 short rounds with him previously. I really hope I do much better than this in the actual fight.

Wish me luck.

Andy meets Brandi: My Memoirs, Part 3

2011-03-17T23:32:00.001Z

On March 22nd 2010 I got talking to another blogger from Canada. On February 13th 2011 of the following year, after talking to her almost every day, she came to stay with me. Here is part 3 of my memoirs:

- Pointing out the BT Tower from every angle and location in and around Birmingham.

- Going ice skating and trying to push her over so I wouldn't be the first to fall. In the end I managed to!

- Losing at bowling.

- Going to Bourton-on-the-Water, walking around the village, and playing on the park. Looking at house prices and talking about how nice it would be if we lived there.

- Watching bad TV on a morning. Jeremy Kyle, Judge Judy, Wedding SOS, etc.

- Playing Scrabble together, and both putting down incorrect words. FAW!

- Getting girlfriend approval from my friends after going for Indian food.

- Going to the Safari Park, and feeding all the different animals. Getting the car rammed by African Wild Dogs, and scaring Brandi by rolling down the window when an angry looking Ostrich walked over.

- Looking out over Kinver from a church at the top of a hill, and silently thinking about what our future would be like, and the time spent apart.

- Going to the Crooked House Pub, and seeing an old couple that will be us in 50 years, sitting silent and not talking to each other.

- Went for a really nice Chinese meal, and convinced her to eat Duck Pancakes.

- Being hugged in bed when I was really sad about everything. Knowing that I never wanted to lose her.

- Playing Cranium together, being both on the same side and against each other.

- Telling her to blow the Playstation to make the DVD come out, then ejecting it using the controller when she did, then watching and laughing as she sat trying to blow it really hard until it came out.

- Knowing how much I had to treasure the last day and remember every minute.

- Taking Logan and Charlie to Clent to play football. While they were kicking the ball around me and Brandi watched the sun set, then had a 2 on 2 football game with them. She is better than most girls!

- Spending our last night staying up really late cuddling.

- Being really sad, driving her to the airport. Then tried to take my mind off it by playing Air Hockey, but Brandi knocked the puck under another machine before either of us scored a point.

- Staying with her until she had to go through security. Hugging for ages and telling her I loved her.

Ps. I love her

Andy meets Brandi: My Memoirs, Part 2

2011-03-15T21:43:00.000Z

On March 22nd 2010 I got talking to another blogger from Canada. On February 13th 2011 of the following year, after talking to her almost every day, she came to stay with me. Here is part two of my memoirs:

- Keep waking up with her being withholding, and the other side of the bed, but after a few nights (and telling her off) waking up wrapped together.

- Realising how good we are at cooking together. We made the best lasagna, risotto, nachos, bacon and egg sandwiches, triple-decker bacon-sausage-egg sandwiches, and leek and potato soup that I have ever eaten.

- Trying to annoy her by doing things like knocking her food out of her hand, and biting her Kitkat in an improper manner. Why hide who I am? ;)

- Trying to convince her I could beat up a bear, but not a cat.

- Planned a second main date of going to Bridgnorth, a nice village-town, looking at swans, and going on an old-style steam train. We eat a nice Cornish Pasty.

- Going around the Steam Train Museum, where Brandi kept touching things she shouldn't. We made shadow puppets in the film bit, and played on the park and had a race. This was the moment I realised I definitely wanted to be with her forever.

- Having a bed day, cuddling and watching TV, until 8pm when we played minigolf with friends and I came last.

- Making the accent VLog, and editing it, and it looking like Brandi just stared lovingly into my eyes for ages.

- Taking her on a Lord of the Rings Birmingham tour, and walking around the reservoir, and climbing a big fence to save time. Then playing on the wooden beams near the reservoir, trying to push each other off them.

- Getting a migraine and Brandi hugging me... though not as much as I'd like, especially after I had just bought her flowers.

- Loving every second together, even when we just sat around doing nothing.

- Going to Warwick Castle, doing rude poses with mannequins, watching knights battle, and getting told off by a woman trying to stay in character, for following Brandi into a staff only secret passage.

- Brandi trying to grab my hand and make me touch a young girls bottom.

- Going to Stratford and seeing Shakespeare's home, then getting chips and sitting next to the river, watching two groups of youths that we had decided were the Montague's and Capulet's.

- Joking about us not being boyfriend and girlfriend, before one night finally asking her.

- Going on a 20 mile bike ride along the canals, including a nearly 2 mile, pitch black tunnel where a mysterious man emerged shortly after we did, even though I’m sure he wasn’t behind us. I was very impressed with how Brandi managed to suffer sitting on the really hard saddle for that long.

- Our first 'proper' night out in Mechu, and thinking that she is very fun to go out with.

- Recording our rap.

- Watching her getting ready to go out, and thinking how beautiful she looked.

Manners cost you nothing

2011-03-15T00:15:00.003Z

They say manners cost nothing. Today I went into the corner shop that I have frequented since starting my new job. I buy average home made sandwiches for £2.40, made by the Indian couple who own it.

This sunny Monday morning, I walked in, flashing a cheery smile to the old woman at the till. She didn't smile back. I thought perhaps the sun was in her eyes, so I positioned myself better, and smiled again. She still didn't smile back. She was wearing glasses, perhaps they were old and her sight has since deteriorated. I walked closer to the till, trying hard to make it look like I am not going off-path too much. I smiled, this time bigger than the last two smiles put together. She looked back at me, with the face of a woman who just watched a child take a shit on her dog.

I immediately turned around and walked out. I will not give my custom to a person who will not even give me the courtesy of a cheery smile. I instead walked down the road to a different sandwich shop. I had heard about it, but hadn't ventured into it due to the menacing blue collar workers outside.

I was greeted by a rotund person, who was of course smiley (they all are), and by a menu where I could buy a bacon and egg sandwich for £1.95. I was cheeky and asked for sausage on there too, expecting an extra 40p. She asked if I wanted tea too. As I'm not made of money, I quickly said no, but the curvy saint insisted it was free. I was about to hand over £2.50, expecting little change, when she informed me that it was only £2. That is only 5p for a sausage. Amazing.

So, it is true that manners cost you nothing, unless you have none. Then it costs you my custom.