Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Malia, Greece: My Memoirs

- Planning fairly quiet drinks on the first night, walking into the first bar, then their being a bit of a misunderstanding and ending up with 5 drinks and 5 shots each.


- "He's got one mate" from Jamie whenever a gypo tried to sell Leigh a cowboy hat.

- The amazing Nutella and Kinder white-chocolate ice creams.

- Getting hammered the first night, and everyone asking how the Full Moon Party was (because of the vest I was wearing).


- 'Sharking' around, though I didn't really try and pull anyone! Though there were lots of hotties!!

- Trying to sleep next to the pool at 3am, but the hotel guy kicking me to wake me. Then stumbling into some nice Scottish girls room, until they too kicked me out (mean!).

- Going down to the beach on my own, thinking I wouldn't have the courage/ability to swim to the little island... and then forcing myself to do it!



- Three girls trying to steal my wallet and camera. They took it out my pockets but I grabbed it back. Then one offered me a blowjob for £5. I should have taken it out of spite. Then another woman trying to pick pocket my camera

- Randomly going to the beach to go boob-watching (sorry :p).

- Cruising around on the quad bike. Picking up some locals and taking them back to their rooms.



- Accidentally, and illegally driving the quad bike on to the big main road that is 70km/h, and having almost every car beep at me as they went past. I couldn't figure out how to get off it!

- Doing a drinking game the reps organised, and downing the beer pretty quick (if I do say so myself)!

- The Greek guy teaching me his dance.


- Leigh vs The Bug Beast. Manning up and trying to catch it with his cowboy hat... while I ran around the room to avoid it... then pushing the hat outside and down the corridor. Eventually having to leave the hat behind.

- The girls from Glasgow.



- Annoying the Albanians that try and make you pay to take penalties by keep challenging them for free, then drunkenly going in goal and diving and saving a shot.


- Wandering around Old Town to find some good, locally made Raki.

- Going on my quad bike for a few miles down the road, going through some scary farm places.

- Smashing some glasses in a drunken rage... one of which badly cut my hand. I was forced into a medical centre by some girls (one of which was cut while she was trying to get the glass out my hand)... then trying to get the doctor to stop helping me because I thought the girl next to me was dying.


- Olivia and Laura helping me (thanks!).

- Somersaulting off the booze cruise top deck into the sea. Doing it a second time, but landing face/chest first and feeling like I was hit in the face with a bat.

- Meeting the two girls (hottt) and going to some clubs with them, until I wandered off and lost them.


- Wandering the streets at night listening to my audio book, decided to listen to the last few mins on the sunbed at my hotel, but the hotel person thought it would be amusing to turn the sprinklers on. I was stubborn and wouldn't move till it finished.

- Going on the water surfer thing. Not falling off even with my bad hand, and then doing the final bit standing (until the girl next to me pushed me in the water).


- Swimming between the boat and the beach a few times (I've started to enjoy this swimming in the sea business).

- Seeing Tiny Tempah. Wouldn't know it was him unless he was wearing sunglasses. Nobody else can get away with that in a club.

- Seeing the clone of me, also called Andy.


- The girl that kept seeing me when I was on my own, and calling me James Blunt.

- A drunk guy showing me his 'really good banter' that makes him pull, and demonstrating it by shouting "Fuck off, you fat Geordie slut" to some girls we had just spoken to... and genuinely thinking they would turn around and laugh.

- Driving to a quieter beach and watching the sun set.


- Dave's arm breaking when we arm wrestled. The worst noise I've heard.

- Running back to get Dave's insurance details, and putting two Welsh guys in their place that tried to push into me.

- Dropping my wallet, losing my bank cards, drivers license and quad bike keys, but not stopping because I felt I needed to run back to Dave.

- Realising I had just lost my bank cards, drivers license and quad bike keys, then trying to push my quad bike into some bushes so nobody could find it and charge me for it (not sure where the logic there was).

- Sobering up at 6am, and thinking I really need to go out and find my bank cards, drivers license and quad bike keys. Successfully finding all buy the license.


- The epic bus trip to the hospital to see Dave, and the bus guy making us get off at the wrong stop, nasty man.

- The disgusting hospital.

- Raving it to 'Killing In The Name Of' with Martin the rep.

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